


Behind The Screen

by Disincanto294



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, NOTaPWP, Sex, Sex Toys, Webcam/Video Chat Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27350842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disincanto294/pseuds/Disincanto294
Summary: AU. NOT a PWP. //For Severus Snape, life those last few years had been… boring, to say the least. That's why he had come to rely on Muggle technology to enjoy himself. He liked 'YChat' and the fact that he could take pleasure from all those keen women he found on that website without having to leave his home. Of course, sex was better but he had to make do with what he had.One night, he is contacted by 'CheekyBooklover25' and his world is turned upside down. Who is this mysterious woman? He is going to find out very soon.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 304
Kudos: 544





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Talk Dirty To Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183936) by [Onecelestialbeing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onecelestialbeing/pseuds/Onecelestialbeing). 



He was sitting in his armchair looking at the bright screen while lazily stroking his shaft and fondling his balls when the chime of a new message rang in his sitting room. He moved his gaze from the juicy cunt in front of him to the speech bubble in the corner and read ‘ ** _CheekyBooklover25_** _wishes to connect with you._ ’.

He seldom received messages from women and he usually was the one to contact them. That’s because he hadn’t posted anything on his page but his age, 45, and a picture of his profile and naked torso in the dim light of the fireplace. Nobody could tell that behind that photo was hidden the former Hogwarts Professor Severus Snape. For this reason only few people got interested in him and the few who did were usually fascinated by his nickname _‘SnarkyBastard160’_ because apparently bastards were the best lovers; or that’s what the women he had played with had said.

How he came to rely on Muggle technology to enjoy himself he didn’t really know, or perhaps he did.

Life those last few years had been… boring, to say the least. Voldemort was dead and no other villain was trying to become the new dictator of the Wizarding World. He had lost his old job, not that he cared much for it really, because parents didn’t want their children to be taught by a murderer. No matter that said murderer had killed on orders. But he didn’t care. He was still the youngest Potions Master in the United Kingdom and so, he had resumed to his skills to get an income. He brewed potions and salves for different apothecaries and lived a quiet life. Even too quiet perhaps. And boring.

After the war the Wizengamot, following many months of hearings in which some of the members of the Order of the Phoenix had testify on his behalf – first and foremost Harry Potter and his two sidekicks, - had cleared his name but put him on house confinement. Seven years had passed and he still had one more year to spend wearing a magical ankle bracelet. Thank Merlin they hadn’t tied up his magic, he would have gone mad long ago, but he could go out only once a week and escorted by Aurors.

That is why he got restless and life became utterly dull. Quietness had been one of his inner desires when he had been a Professor and a spy for the Order, but after months of seeing nearly no one and having no stimulating conversations at all, he had got bored. Books were his best friends, and he spent a great amount of money on them, but sometimes they just weren’t enough. For this reason, he had bought a TV and after a while a laptop. They used to have an old TV at his home when he was younger, so he knew how to make one work, but his father had destroyed it one drunken night. Later on, he had bought a laptop and learning to use it had been quite challenging for him. He would swear for hours on end because the damn thing didn’t do what he wanted it to do but in the end, he was able to master it.

His laptop chimed again, and he glanced briefly at the message, reading it.

_-Hi there! My name’s Alba. How are you?_

He furrowed his brows in concentration. Being a teacher, he had come across very strange names, but he had never thought ‘Alba’ was actually used as a name. This woman, which was apparently trying to get in touch with him, was however disturbing his private moment with a very nice, even though she was totally waxed and that didn’t meet his tastes, glistening pussy. He wasn’t enjoying himself that much if he had to be honest, the lady was too gross and not enough verbose for his liking and that killed the mood, but he had to do with what he had. Nevertheless, he was being distracted and he hated it.

_‘Alba? What kind of name’s that?’_

He was being rude on purpose, hoping the heckler would go away, but her reply came immediately.

_-It means Sunrise in Italian._

_‘I know what Alba means.’_

_-Do you speak Italian?_

_‘I only know the basics.’_

He had studied some Italian back when he was younger and needed to learn more about Potions and Spells Creation. The most valuable information you could find in the ancient texts which hadn’t been translated yet into English. Italians however, had a far better grasp of Latin and had succeeded in translating some of those. He had never studied more of the language than what he needed for his understanding of what was written in the texts but he knew what the meaning of ‘Alba’ was.

_-Do you like my name?_

_‘No.’_

With his blunt reply he had hoped to scare her off, but he didn’t have such luck. He smirked at the screen while still pounding his cock when her reply appeared in the screen.

_-Bastard._

_‘That’s what I am. What do you want?’_

_-To have a little chat with you._

_‘No, thank you. You talk too much.’_

_-And yet you are still answering._

It looked like the woman was really interested in chatting with him, as she didn’t want to leave him in peace. Well, that’s what people had done with him most of his life. Always asking, always demanding that he did things for them, never leaving him a moment of respite. But this, this was totally different. It was true that he was a prisoner in his own house, but he didn’t have much to answer to anyone these days. He was a free man, sort of; he wasn’t compelled to do things he didn’t want to and that’s why, when the woman he had initially been masturbating with started complaining that he wasn’t paying her much attention, he closed the communication with her deciding he would focus on the cheeky booklover instead.

_‘That’s because I am a fool.’_

_-You look interesting. I really like your picture.,_ she had typed, and he immediately went to see if she had written something in her profile.

She was only 25 - damn her, she was young - and liked reading and writing, exactly like himself. The girl had only a few pictures and in neither of them she was completely naked. He could see her bare shoulders sprinkled in reddish freckles, a nice long neck and wavy hair, long lean legs and a hint of breasts. She left much to imagination and he found himself intrigued. She looked beautiful, utterly sensual, and he liked her.

_‘Are you really 25?’_

_-Yep. Is that a problem?_

_‘I’m 20 years your senior, shouldn’t you be pestering those guys your age? There’s plenty of them on the website I’m sure.’_

_-I like older men._

In his years as a Professor at Hogwarts he had been the younger in staff, he had started his career when he was only 21, and even if he was far from handsome and approachable, more than one student had tried to get into his pants. Mostly the Slytherins, he had to admit that, but he could also remember some Gryffindor and Revenclaw girls. He had sneered at them, made them cry and then sent them to detention with Filch all the time. He had had enough troubles of his own without adding a prosecution because he had fucked a student on the desk of his office. Besides, he wasn’t a paedophile and he had always taken his job seriously. He had taught and protected them at best of his possibilities.

_‘I see.’_

_-You haven’t yet sent me a dick picture._

_Oh, this is definitely interesting_., he thought to himself typing a quick reply. He wanted to see where she would get. _Does she really want to see my cock or is she just teasing?_

_‘Would you stop blabbing if I were to send you one?'_

_-Aren’t you pleased a girl so younger than you finds you attractive? You should see how wet I am right now imagining the things your wicked and experienced mouth could do to my cunt. I’m sure you have eaten out many women, but girls? How many 25-year-old girls have come on your tongue?_

_Well. Well, well, well…,_ he liked the way she talked. _Blunt but not enough to be vulgar, like she knows what she wants but doesn’t want to tell all her secrets._

He knew he would be having fun if he were to carry on with that little game. She was sexy and knew how to play in order to enchant a man. He briefly looked down at his now semi-flaccid cock and touched it while reading again her message. He lightly caressed the veined skin imagining the girl without a face was kneeling in front of him, fondling his balls and sucking him deeply. His dick sprang to life and he shuddered before typing his reply.

_‘You are a cheeky little thing.’_

_-Are you stroking your cock, sir?_

She went straight to the point and he found her deliciously sexy with both her foul mouth and fake shyness.

_‘What if I am?’_

_-If you are, I would like to know what you’re thinking about._

_‘Try a guess.’_

_-Ah so you like playing, don’t you?_

_‘I like a good game.’_

_-And you think this is one?_

_‘If you can make me come, it will definitely_ be.’

_-So let’s see… are you thinking about me caressing slowly your cock with my tiny hands before pumping it hard, or about my hot tongue gently swirling around your shaft before engulfing your engorged head?_

He had to inhale deeply to stifle a groan after reading what she had written. His cock was painfully hard and throbbing precum. She had achieved such a result with only a few words while ‘Pussy4Dick13’ had put her waxed cunt on show but wasn’t even able to get him hard. Severus undid the buttons of his white shirt and brushed with one hand his nipples before twisting one between his fingertips. He was breathing hard and he had to do a conscious effort in order to reply to her text.

_‘You’re a temptress.’_

_-I am. Do you like it? You sounded so annoyed when I first texted you. Have you changed your mind?_

_‘You have yet to make me come.’_

_-I will. Rest assured, I will._

He had just the time to read about her promise when a notification for a videocall appeared on his screen. That cheeky girl was calling him, and he really hoped she had something sweet to show him. He disabled his camera, as she had not asked him to show himself yet, and pressed the live button. Full and sensual rosy lips appeared before his eyes. At first, they were tightly grasped between white teeth in a sexy way but then they stretched in a small smile, one which was so sinful he had to swallow. _She is damn sexy…_

She moved just a fraction away from the camera and a dildo came out from somewhere. It looked exactly like a cock, perfect in shape and colour with veins and a texture he knew would be soft to the touch. The girl brought it to her lips and a pink wet tongue lightly touched it, grazing it with just a feather light touch.

_-I like it, my Bastard._ , she wrote without interrupting her ministrations on the fake penis. _-It’s so soft and it tastes so much of you, salty but savoury. It tastes of a man who has had many women but has yet to find real pleasure. That’s because you haven’t yet surrendered to me. Oh, I love it. Can you feel the texture of my coarse tongue against the veins of your cock? Can you feel my hot breath and my wet mouth? It’s delicious, my Bastard._

The girl kept writing of a perfect fellatio while slowly and lasciviously showing him exactly what she would do to him if he were there. His strokes matched hers, slow and deep then fast and short, and he watched as she licked her lips before engulfing the tip first and the entire length then. It went down her throat so easily he tried to picture his cock instead of the fake one and had to groan hard at the sensations that caused him. He felt his balls tighten while the girl bobbed up and down the erect shaft and a fast pace licking and caressing it with her swollen lips and wet tongue. Unfortunately, he couldn’t hear her, but he was sure she was making delicious sounds while deep throating that cock. He could imagine her however, all guttural sounds and heavy breathing, and the feeling was sensational and powerful.

_‘I’m coming, you cheeky thing.’_ He texted with one hand, the other still going up and down his shaft. _‘Swallow my come, all of it.’_

And he really came. He shouted in the silence of his dark living room, his fingers and belly coated in milky come. It had been intense and delicious and sexy, and it left him exhausted sprawled in his armchair. The girl was young but oh so good at this sort of things and he definitely wanted to chat more with her if she wanted to.

_-I hope you liked my little show._

_‘I did. Thank you.’_

_-My knickers are all wet, but I won’t be doing anything for this deep ache I’m feeling right now. I’ll wait for you. Until next time, my Bastard._

And like that she was gone. She was good, oh so good. He was tired but satisfied all thanks to that little mouth she had. He couldn’t wait to talk to her again and next time he would be the one to bring that little minx to orgasm. She would scream and he would enjoy himself looking at her mouth open in sheer pleasure.


	2. 2.

Severus had spent a lovely night dreaming of her new ‘friend’, imagining her sweet body draped over his own on his bed or trapped under him while she was laying on his wooden desk. He had awoken painfully aroused in the middle of the night and had to stroke himself until he had spent all his fluids and pent up needs on his flat belly.

That girl would be the death of him, he just knew that. He had never been a sex driven man nor had spent so much of his life thinking about sex like it had been happening since he had bought the laptop and connected it to Internet first and to ‘YChat’ later. That website was doing something to his head, it had to be like that, because the other alternative would be that he really was in need of a good shag, one of those which left you totally out of yourself.

He had lost his virginity later compared to his other fellow Slytherins and it had happened in his 7th year, only a couple of months before graduation, with one of his classmate’s older sister. She was a Pureblood, even though she didn’t come from one of the richest families, and a Death Eater like himself. It had been awkward and so embarrassing it had left him with a very bad feeling. He didn’t like her, he had still been in love with Lily back then, but she was available and she didn’t mind him; which was something that didn’t happen often.

He had had some partners during the years after Voldemort’s supposed death, but his grief had been so deep he had never been able to develop attachment to any of them. Then came Voldemort’s return and the last years had been so difficult and demanding that he hadn’t had the time. Some quick shag with a random muggle and the occasional service from a prostitute, but it was more to relive the stress. No one had ever made love to him or spent the night in his bed after having been shagged senseless. He was aware he had missed a lot in life and sometimes he would find himself wondering what it could have been and what it could be… if he only found someone worth loving who loved him back. However, he had still one more year of confinement. When he becomes a free man, he will decide what to do with his life.

In the meantime, Severus had a little minx to repay for the amazing orgasm she had gifted him with.

_‘Good evening, my cheeky booklover.’,_ he carefully typed after several minutes he had seen her online.

_-Good evening to you, my bastard.,_ came her quick reply. _-Did you sleep well last night?_

_If you only knew!_

_‘I did. I had so many nice dreams.’_

_-Mmm... Anything worth sharing?_

_Always straight to the point, I like that._

_‘The best part was when I had you laying on my desk, under me, with your thighs tightly locked around my middle, your fingers pulling at my hair and my cock deeply sheathed inside your deliciously wet pussy.’_

_-Oh, that's nice... And how did we get there? I'm curious. Did you lick my pussy first, tongued me or caressed my clit with your fingertips?_

_‘No, my dear. The first thing I did was grazing your taut nipples with my teeth, laving them with the flat of my tongue before closing my lips around them and sucking hard. Would you like that?’_

_-Go on._

As for every aspect of his life, he liked being in control. Not the he minded the thought of surrendering to a beautiful witch in bed, but it was something he rarely could do. He had had to obey to other people’s wishes all his life and it had always ended up with his suffering. He didn’t want to suffer anymore. In order to be able to let himself go like that he would need to find just the right witch, one he felt really comfortable with and which he was absolutely certain wouldn’t hurt him.

‘ _Answer my question, girl.’_ , he replied tightly, pressing the keys. _‘Would you like my mouth on your nipples?’_

- _Yes. Yes, sir._

Even though he hadn’t been a teacher for years, he still liked to be show that kind of respect he had always expected from his students. Besides, he would always be a teacher. He would keep forever the titles of Potions Master, Death Eater, Headmaster and Head of Slythering Hourse, but everyone would always refer to him as Professor Snape. That’s what he had been all his life.

_‘As a Professor, I expect my pupils to behave when they find themselves before me. Have I made myself clear?’_

_-Crystal.,_ she answered, then added. _-A teacher... I like teachers. You never know what they hide behind their closed doors. If they take their older students home or if they are good teachers and keep everything at school. Which subject?_

_‘I am the one who does the questioning.’_ , he said avoiding the question of which subject he taught.

He always tried to stay vague about himself and his life, not answering questions or circumnavigating them in some way. It wasn’t like he was afraid of being discovered by someone he knew, he really didn’t have much to lose right now, but he thought of his future and of that life he would like to start building for himself when he will finally be a free man.

_-Yes, sir. My fingertip is lightly grazing my labia. They are wet, my nub is swollen, and I'm starting to tremble. You should definitely do something for that, Professor. Please._

_Merlin, I love when they plead me._

_‘Do you want me to keep telling you about my dream or would you prefer I come over and show you EXACTLY what I would like to do to your sweet little cunt, my cheeky little thing?’_

He knew the girl would never accept to meet with him, not that he could go out from his house without the Aurors, so her reply didn’t come unexpected. She was young but not stupid, he could sense that, and she probably wasn’t one who rushed into things without giving them the right pondering.

_-I would love to have you here buried between my legs, but I will have to be happy with just this. I can't feel your lips on my body anymore... Where are you?_

_‘I’m here, my mouth just an inch away from your ear. Can you feel my hot breath on your skin? Because I can feel you trembling you know, and I love it._

_-Now I can feel it. Yes._

_‘My lips are kissing your rosy skin. I sometimes bite you gently without leaving any mark, others with more intensity so that you can feel my teeth. I sinfully lick your earlobe, sending shivers right down your core, before closing my mouth around it. It is perfect, just like your sweet nipple._

_-Damn, I hate you._

He had to stifle a laugh at that. He was doing a good job if the girl was getting herself all hot and bothered.

_‘And why is that? I have reached your knickers and I’m going to pull them down now. They smell nice, you know. But I could stop if you want me to.’_

_-Please._

_‘Please, what?’_

_-Please, don’t stop. I am all yours right now._

Severus had started touching his cock through his clothes, but he quickly pulled it out inhaling deeply. He liked talking dirty, letting his imagination flow and envelope his senses. His cock was already hard and he caressed it smearing the pre-cum all over it. The girl at the other hand of the screen was firmly touching herself in his mind-eye and moaning deeply at each stroke.

_‘I bury my nose between your glistening folds and I inhale deeply, inebriating my brain with your smell. You shiver at the contact and moan when my tongue darts out and tastes you. I lap at your juices, feeling the moisture with my taste buds, opening your labia and concentrating all my efforts on your sweet core. You feel and taste amazing, my cheeky girl.’_

_-God, God, God… please kiss me._

_‘Everything you desire, pet.’,_ he said stroking harder his cock. Writing and masturbating at the same time was starting to become difficult as his mind was surrendering to the pleasure, but he still kept going. _“My tongue swirls around your centre while with my mouth I envelope you, before penetrating you with my finger. Do you feel it? The way I stretch you… Is it good? Now think about what my cock will feel like when I finally take you.’_

_-I can’t, I can’t. Damn, I want you._

_‘I am here. The tip of my cock teases your entrance, mingling our own fluids together, before slowly – oh so slowly – thrusting inside you. I gasp and you moan at the sensation, but I don’t give you the chance to get accustomed to my girth because I start moving. I want you; I need you, and you me. My cock fills you perfectly and the sounds we make are so glorious. I squeeze your breast tightly making you whimper and cry my name.’_

_-I can feel you. Oh God, I can feel you._

_‘You are so beautiful under me and I love the feeling of your hard nipples brushing against my chest while I thrust inside of you deeply and slowly. Your pussy clenches hard around me and my eyes close involuntary, lost in the sensation of you. You are nearly there; I can feel it in the way your muscles flex and your breath catches in your throat. My fingers pinch your clit and twist it. You cry spasming around me, milking my shaft and driving me crazy…’_

He stopped writing and concentrated on his breathing and the movement of his hand on his painfully erect cock. It didn’t take much for him to spurt all his semen, leaving him spent and tired but at the same time contented. He didn’t write to her for some time, giving the girl the time to come back to her senses. He cleaned the mess he had made with a flick of his wand and drank a glass of ice cold water. That’s when he hard the sound of a new message and rushed to see what she had written. A soft smirk grazed his lips.

_-You should see the mess in my bed._ , she had written. _-I had told you we would have had fun together. Maybe one day I’ll have the pleasure to get your sinful tongue and cock inside of me._

_‘The pleasure would be all mine, my cheeky booklover.’_

_-You may call me by my name, you know._

_‘It’s not your real name though, is it?’_

_-No._

_‘Good. Because it’s horrible.’_

_-It isn’t! Let’s hear yours then. Please tell me you’re not a Richard, a Jack or a Ronald… they are so bloody common!_

Severus hadn’t thought about a name to use on the website. He had never had the need to divulge it as his conversations had involved only sex. With her, however, it was somewhat different. She hadn’t gone away after climaxing, like every woman had always done, but she had stayed. It was like having sex and then cuddling in bed, having a little chit-chat before falling into a light sleep. It was curious and it made him experience such a deep ache he had never thought could be possible.

_‘I am a Leonard.’_ , he replied with the first name that came to mind. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t like ‘Severus’ either. _‘Is it okay?’_

_-It is, Leo. How long have you been using YCatch? I’m curious._

_‘A couple of months and you?’_

_-More than one year.,_ she had replied after some moment, like she was unsure of what she was about to say.

_‘That's a lot of time. How did you come by it?’_ he asked, and he was curious himself. The girl was a wonton beauty, she didn’t need a website to get shagged _. ‘You don't look like a girl who needs these sorts of things.’_

_-I don't, but well... It's difficult to explain._

_There!_ He knew he had found a weak spot, something she didn’t to talk about, but why? So far, even though they had not talked that much about personal things, she had been very open, so this change in behaviour was strange. _And I love a good riddle!_

_‘You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, you know. But you can talk to me if you need to. It’s not like I could tell anyone.’_

_-No, it's fine. I know…,_ she quickly typed, then added. _-I have always been considered a swot and a good girl, kind of a goody-two-shoes, who never got anything wrong, who behaved and got her friends out of trouble. I often got in trouble with them because I wanted to help them and keep them safe, and in a way I also felt compelled to do it. Whenever I wasn’t able to do it, it was like I had failed them and everyone around me who had asked me to look out for them. I felt bad, like it was all my fault and not theirs because they had not listened to me. They had expectations and I couldn't give them what they wanted._

Severus hadn’t been expecting that. He read her words and felt her sadness. Furthermore, he felt his. He had never been a teacher’s favourite student nor a good boy, but he had felt the failure of every single one of his actions all his life. Every time Dumbledore had asked him to do something and he had not been able to do it; when he had tried to save someone from death, but they had died anyway. Her sadness was in a way his own.

_‘Is it still like that?’_

_-In a way yes. I am a good girl, but I am also this. I got here because I needed the means to escape, somewhere I could do wrong without being judged. Because that’s what they would do if they were to discover I strip naked in front of strangers, or that I like so much sex I’m not in the least satisfied with what I get. That I want to feel more, to lose myself but at the same time be myself. Completely, without fear. Because this is what I am, not completely a good girl._

_‘People will never completely understand your feelings and needs unless they can somewhat relate to them. I have been hated all my life because I am an insensitive bastard most of the time, but this doesn’t mean I am a bad person. I am, but that’s not everything I am. I understand you, Alba. All I can say is that you eventually will grow out of your fear of rejection and judgment and embrace your true self. Don’t let people suffocate you. Live your life the way you need to and find your happiness in these small emotions.’_

He had never been good at these sorts of things, but he felt the need to help her alleviate her sorrow. Only Dumbledore had really known him, and for this reason he had felt alone all of his life. He still was but he had learnt to cope with it.

_-I thank you. I had never talked to anyone about this and… thank you, really. I will think about what you have said. Do you mind if I go to bed now? I need some time on my own._

_‘Not at all. Have a pleasant night, my cheeky little thing.’_


	3. 3.

Severus loved Thursdays. It was his free day, sort of. Two Aurors would come to escort him to Diagon Alley, Muggle London and wherever he wished to go. They weren’t nosy; they only followed him around at a distance, mostly minding their own business. _Thank Merlin for small mercies._

There were far less people around on Thursdays than on weekend and this gave him the opportunity to quickly grocery shopping, gather potions ingredients and relax. He always spent nearly all of his free time inside his favourite bookshop, a small from outside yet huge place once your found yourself inside. It was ancient and located on a side street in central London, squeezed between two modern flats. The place was all wooden boards, paper sheets and leather, with the beautiful smell of books filling the air. It was tantalising to pick up a book from one of the shelves and sit down in one of the sofas in front of the windows and read with a dim light casting shadows on the walls and a very low slow music playing around. He loved it.

With his last purchases shrunk and safe in his pocket, he went inside. The older man with grey moustaches behind the counter greeted him as usual, he had been a customer for years but only after the war he had started going there weekly. He would spend a lot of money in there and the man left him alone, not prying nor following him around, knowing that at the end of the day he would show again at the counter with an armful of books ready to be bought. They always seemed to know what he liked because every week he would find some new very interesting title in his favourite corner of the bookshop – the second-hand corner.

He usually started from there, lazily making his way back to the entrance. When he passed between two aisles at the back of the bookshop, he came across a person he hadn’t seen in many years. He could still remember the deep emotions he had seen reflected in her tired and sad eyes the last day at the court when the Wizengamot had decided to clear him but still put him under house arrest. Their gazes had locked just one moment but it had been enough. Back then, she hadn’t been the annoying girl who had tried to flaunt her intelligence at every turn in his class, but a young woman who had valiantly fought a war. He had had to give her credit for that.

The girl, whose difficult hair where pulled up in a loose bun, was waring an oversized light pink jumper over black leggings and had hair nose buried between pages. When she looked up and spotted him, her cheeks flushed just a little bit and she closed the small book. Her eyes were alight and the small shy smile she gave him left him somewhat speechless, even though he couldn’t for the life of him understand why.

“Miss Granger.” He said politely with a nod.

“Professor!” she softly exclaimed moving nearer to him.

“I have not been your Professor for years, Miss Granger.” Severus pointed out, matter-of-factly. It didn’t happen often, but when it happened to meet some of his former students, they always addressed him with the title of Professor, like it was engraved in them.

“True, but…” she started saying, then changed her mind. “It’s been so long. How are you?”

“Seven years.” The wizard replied in a serious tone before letting a small smirk play on his lips. “I am well, or at least I was before happening on you.”

“I’m happy to hear your sarcasm and acerbic wit haven’t left you, sir.” She smiled softly, humour clear in her eyes, before becoming serious again. “But really, how are you?”

He had no idea why he had stopped by her or why he was still there chatting with a former student. He probably was so desperate for a conversation that even Hermione Granger could do in that moment. Anyway, it had been years since someone had sincerely asked him about his wellbeing. Dumbledore had inquired, and so had Minerva and Filious when he was younger, but after the Headmaster’s death no one had ever bothered. He had always been alone, and perhaps he didn’t want to be anymore. For this reason, he found himself replying to her question and asking her the same.

“I am well, Miss Granger. And you?”

She appeared somewhat startled by his question but content if her light smile was any indication. The girl shifted the book she had been holding between her arms and a slip of the title caught his eye. _Interesting. Very Interesting, indeed._

“Everything is fine, sir.”

“What do we have here?” he asked moving quickly near her and plucking the small book from her hands. She squealed in terror trying to get the tome from him, but he was still taller than her and faster. He had taken her by surprise, she definitely hadn’t been expecting that. He hadn’t expected her to read such things either.

“Give it back to me immediately!”

“’Words of pleasure.’” He read smirking. “Not exactly what I thought a good girl like yourself enjoyed reading.”

He was taunting her, making her annoyed and angry, just for the pleasure of seeing her reaction. As he had said to Alba, people were never completely good or bad and reading about eros and sex definitely didn’t make you a bad girl. However, her flushed cheeks and angry look made him smirk. He was a bastard, he knew that. _I’m going to have some fun today._

“It’s none of your business what I read or not read, Professor. Now give it back to me, now.” She stretched her hand waiting for the tome, but he didn’t give it to her, putting it instead in his inside pocket.

He moved around the book covered wall, longingly grazing the spines of the volumes with his fingertips. His eyes were half closed, and his belly hummed with need thinking about his new friend and all the wicked things he would like to do to her. He stopped just an inch away from Hermione, his mouth a breath away from her ear while his raven locks caressed her cheek. A whiff of her sweet scent reached his nostrils and he inhaled deeply.

“Let me tell you something, Miss Granger.” He whispered in her ear with his deep voice, enunciating each syllable clearly. “You can’t learn from a book how to give pleasure, how to make someone tremble. It’s not much about words but about how you use them, and what voice you employ to deliver them. It’s something which comes from the inside. You need to feel it and only then magic will spark.”

He felt the girl shiver near him, and he knew his message had touched her. But then again, the girl surprised him by bringing her small hand to rest on his clothes covered chest. She looked up and met his gaze before whispering breathless.

“And what do you know about pleasure, Professor?”

“More than you, girl.” He said, his gaze intently on her caramel coloured eyes. They were slightly dilated and so dark they rivalled his own obsidian ones.

He wasn’t flirting with her, but the conversation had taken a turn he could never have predicted. With a student. _Damn me, I’m an old fool! And I desperately need a good shag!_

“I’m not a girl anymore, you know.”

“Are you not?” he taunted her smirking. “Show me, then.”

Never leaving his eyes she smirked back, and her hand suddenly grabbed his crotch hard. He shuddered at the sensation and closed his eyes, breathing hard, before slowly opening them again. Hermione Granger had a sly smile on her lips and an hunger he had never seen reflected in her eyes. She wasn’t a schoolgirl anymore.

“I’m not a girl anymore.” She repeated, this time softly before pulling open his dark coat and removing her book from his pocket. “Have a good day, Professor.”

With that she was gone and all he had left was the lasting sensation of a hot hand on his crotch and the sweet smell of her skin in the air.

His brain stayed in a cloud all day after what happened with his former student, and when night came, he couldn’t resist the urge to contact Alba. They had had sex and talked more those last few days, after she had told him about why she had started using YCatch. That day she looked to be in the mood herself and he took advantage of that. He made her come and she reciprocated by pulling out from a drawer her dildo, giving him one of the most pleasurable orgasms he had ever experienced at his own hand.

What surprised him was when at nearly 2am, more than three hours after they had come together in front of the screen, she sent him a new message.

 _-I want more.,_ she wrote. _-I want more, please._

His cock had immediately started throbbing at those words, which his mind had envisioned as a tiny whimper full of desire. He had never stripped naked in front of her and neither had Alba, but that’s what they did then. She had asked him if he could go first and he had obliged, slowly unzipping his trouser and freeing his member. He had watched her with intent eyes while he bared himself to her for the first time and his breath had caught when she had smiled and licked her lips.

She had showed her appreciation with a few words which sent his blood boiling, then she had moved a little from the screen and pulled up her feet. She had stayed still for a few seconds, his anticipation growing with his erection, her knees closed together. Then, they had slowly parted revealing her most intimate part with her moist folds and not yet engorged nub. He had to swallow to control himself, she was so beautiful with her rosy femininity and triangle of thin chocolate hairs.

 _-Do you like what you see?,_ she had asked writing slowly on the keyboard as if unsure of herself. And maybe she really had been.

_‘I love it; and you are beautiful.’_

She had smiled shily at him and he had felt his cheeks heat with colour. He didn’t know what had got into him but in a way he liked the girl, stupid as it could be since he had known her only for a few days, and masturbating with her naked before his eyes had felt totally different from all the other times he had done it since creating an account on YCatch. She was nothing like the other women in there and he could feel it.

Severus was in deep trouble but he didn’t know it yet.


	4. 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readers!  
> I only wanted to explain something since I don't know if it's going to be clear. This chapter starts with a general account of severus' emotions over the last days and then immediately starts narrating the event of Thursday night (the second one we see in this story, so one week after the first time he meets Hermione). It ends with him very briefly summarizing what happened that day and he says that that afternoon he had had tea with Hermione. It actually happened, and this will be the main plot of chapter 5.
> 
> All of this because I wanted to say that both chapter 4 and 5 happen on Thursday, only the 4th at night and the 5th in the afternoon!
> 
> Hope to have been clear in my explanation :)

Severus was going mad and he hated himself for that. He was pathetic, pining over a girl half his age which he had never even seen. _Pathetic, idiotic, poor excuse of a man I am! Damn her, and damn me to hell!_

Alba had vanished into thin air after their hated video sex three days before. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, it wasn’t as if they had talked about deep feelings, but for him it had meant something more than what it had been in the end. It was something he had done many times with other women in those last months he had been on YCatch, and yet it was completely different. He had felt something, although he wasn’t able to give it a name, and that feeling had burnt his insides. It had been like really touching her, caressing her skin and kissing her femininity. He had felt all of it like he had really been with her.

He was an idiot because he had thought she would feel it too. But that was obviously not the case, otherwise she wouldn’t have disappeared. _I’m a bloody idiot!_

He was so angry at himself and her for leaving him without even saying a word, he felt foolish for attaching himself to someone he didn’t know at all and who didn’t care for him one bit. Even more, Severus was furious for his own weakness. No one had ever cared for him, he knew that all too well, so why had he even allowed her to come near him? Why? _I don’t need anyone. I’ve always saved myself, one way or another, alone._

However, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he knew he hated being alone. He was starved for attention, he had always been, and no matter how much he suffered… he didn’t want to be alone anymore.

That’s why he didn’t yell at Alba when she finally showed up, late that night, asking for forgiveness, or why his heart swelled when he caught sight of her message. He wanted to tell her how angry he was at her for leaving him, but he knew deep down that he would only scare her off and he didn’t want that. It was true that he was a bastard, but he was trying to be a better person. Not for her really, but for himself. Freedom was near and he wanted to enjoy it. He deserved happiness after so much sorrow.

_-I know you’re angry with me and I can’t blame you. I’m really sorry Leo, for leaving you all these days without a word._

_‘I’m not angry at all.’_ He replied after some thought. He ached to tell her how he was really feeling, but he couldn’t lose her. He had nobody else. _‘You have your life and I’ve mine so if you haven’t logged in all these days it’s none of my business.’_

He quickly sent the text but knew immediately he sounded bitter. She would know everything was not okay, but he wasn’t going to tell her that.

_-My friends came home unannounced and dreg me off for a few days. I wasn’t very happy about it, but they are always complaining I don’t go out with them anymore._

_‘You owe me no explanation whatsoever.’_ He said breathing hard. _‘I hope you had fun.’_

_-I didn’t. I had an argument with one of them… and besides, I missed you._

“Don’t do that! Don’t do that!” Severus shouted, clutching at his hair and bolting out of his armchair. She was hurting him, like everyone had ever done, but he wanted her. He needed her.

_‘I missed you, too.’_ He wrote instead, frustrated with his inability to stay away from women who were there to hurt him.

_-Tell me I am your cheeky little thing. I love it when you call me that._

_‘What if I don’t?’_

_-I won’t get wet if you don’t._

_‘I don’t think so. I can feel your wetness with my tongue. It’s filling your pretty little cunt perfectly and my cock is throbbing with the need to be inside of you, waiting for the right moment to penetrate you.’_

He would take his pleasure from her today. Three days without wanking had been hell, and it was all her fault. But stupid as it sounded, he didn’t want to do it with any other woman. So far, she had been the best and only a real shag could surpass what she had achieved.

_-Damn you. I want your cock.,_ she wrote, and his dick sprang to attention. _-I want to taste you, to lick my way from your balls to your engorged head. I want to graze your veins with my teeth and play with your tiny slit with the tip of my tongue. I want to feel your balls tighten under my fingers and I want to swallow your come so badly._

He inhaled sharply, undoing his trousers and freeing his cock. It was large and lightly coloured with a smattering of fine black hairs at the base. It was by far his best feature even though not too many women had had the pleasure to see or to impale themselves down it. The thought of having Alba sitting on his dick was pure bliss and he roughly stroked himself. He wished for it to last but at the same time he wanted to lose himself in pleasure as fast as possible.

_‘You say you want to do all these things… just do them, girl!’_

_-I want all of this, but what I want more, however, is your cock stretching my pussy wide open._

He wasn’t able to type a reply because he received a videocall from Alba and when he opened the connection, he had to swallow hard. Without even noticing, his strokes had taken a faster pace while his other hand had gone to lightly caress his nipples. Alba had her dildo deep inside her pussy and he wished so much it was his cock. Her fake dick was thrusting in her at a fast pace and he matched his strokes with her rhythm.

_-Do you like it?_

Severus didn’t answer, choosing instead to open a call himself. His camera zoomed on his engorged head and they masturbated together, drinking in the pleasure of the other. He was trembling but didn’t want to come yet, he wanted to see her first, then his climax would come soon after hers.

_‘Come for me, my cheeky little thing.’_ , he said and with a few more thrusts of the dildo she orgasmed. He watched her come undone, milking her toy. He lost himself when he saw her smearing her juices between her lips, making her even more drenched in come. He watched her slowly lick her lips and smile at him all the while he breathed hard trying to recompose himself.

_-I am really sorry, Leo_., she typed the, after closing her legs and putting a blanket on her shoulders. _-I know you were upset but it wasn’t my intention._ _I feel at ease with you and at least in some ways I can be myself, something I’m struggling with when in the presence of my family and friends. I hope you will forgive me because I really like you. Stupid, isn’t it? I barely know you and yet, I feel so comfortable. Thank you._

_‘I like you too.’_

With that he groaned and nearly hit at himself for his pathetic display of emotions. He was a grown-up man but still fell for these things and every day was more difficult. _But she said she likes me too_., and he smiled softly while his cheeks took up some colour. _I’m a lovesick puppy, or worse if something worse even exists._

_-Am I forgiven?_

_‘You are, Alba.’_

Days passed quickly between good books, some TV show, a pleasant yet very weird second encounter with Granger on Thursday, and his little chats with Alba at night before going to bed. His routine wasn’t much but he was pleased with that, at some level at least. He had talked a lot with Alba, getting to know her a little more every day, but something in him just screamed that something was off. He had tried to understand what the problem was, but she had never given him an answer, only saying she was tired or upset for something that had happened at work. However, he wasn’t a fool and he knew that something was bothering her, and he had proof of it that same Thursday.

_-Hello, my Bastard._

_‘Hello to you too, my cheeky little thing.’_

_-How was your day? Have you missed me?_

_‘It was good, and I have had some very tasty Italian lasagna for dinner.’_ He replied, then added smirking. _‘No, I haven’t. How was yours?’_

_-Bastard. I have, you know. A lot.,_ she typed, and his smirk morphed into a small smile. No one, apart from Lily when they were kids, had ever told him they missed him. _-My day started horribly, then it had seemed to brighten somewhat, but then again finished miserably._

_‘What happened? I can feel you’re upset.’_

_-I’m not anymore, because you’re here now.’_

_‘What can I do for you? Tell me.’_

_-I don’t know… just, stay with me? Please?_

_‘I’m going nowhere. I’m here.’_

And he meant it. The girl was doing something to his heart, he just knew that, because somehow, he felt different. He was still a bastard, but perhaps just a touch softer than before. He didn’t snap as fast and as often as it used to happen back when he was a Professor, he didn’t insult people anymore just for his enjoyment, even if he was still compelled to show them exactly what kind of stupid idiots they were when the need raised. He was kinder, not anymore in a never-ending war with himself and the others. And it was all thanks to this amazing girl who could make his cheeks blush and his heart beat faster, his lips curve in a real smile and all his body shiver in pleasure.

_-I would like to close my eyes and just fall asleep for hours, for days… then wake up and discover everything is fine again, and I don’t have to fight anymore. I’m so tired of fighting._

_‘You need to free yourself.’ He told her seriously worried for her. ‘You can come out of it; I know you can. Why don’t you let me help you?’_

_-It’s something I have to do on my own. I’m so tired, Leo._

Severus thought about it for a moment, deciding on what to do. He could feel her sorrow through her words, and they made him ache. He was there for her, but he couldn’t do anything… if he only knew which problems she really had. He thought of himself, and of all the times he had wanted to talk to someone of his horrible life, of what he was forced to do and of the pain he was experiencing. What he had really whished for back then, when even death he would have welcomed, was a hug; a touch of a soft and warm hand on his freezing cheek, a tender brush of his raven hair from his face, a gentle smile.

_‘I’m here.’,_ he typed, reaching for her in a different way. _‘You are safe in my arms. Breathe Alba, breathe. You are safe. My arms envelope you and I hold you tightly. Feel my arms around you, feel my warmth and my smell. You are safe.’_

_-I’m safe…_

_‘You are. My hand brushes your hair from your face, caressing your cheek. I feel you shivering against my body and I smile before laying a kiss on your rosy flesh.’_

_-I raise my head and lock my eyes in yours, feeling your emotions and making them mine. I breathe, enjoying your warmth and nearness, and my eyes flutter close when I feel your lips whisper against mine._

_‘My hot breath caresses your lips before melting inside your mouth. My tongue seeks entrance and you provide it, eager to taste me, while gently leaning even more into my arms. You melt against me and our breaths join, our lips brush and our tongues carefully caress each other. I make love to your mouth and you to mine.’_

_-And I’m finally safe._

_‘You are finally safe.’_

It was all an illusion, it hadn’t really happened, and yet he had felt everything. The softness of her body against his, her sweet breath and her tantalising lips. His heart had swelled, and his body had shuddered alongside hers. He wanted her.

Later that night, while his body claimed sleep, but his mind refused to stop thinking, he could still feel her delicate mouth pressing against his if he stroked his fingertips against his lips. What was disconcerting to him was that the images of that amazing night with Alba would continuously mix together with those of the strange afternoon tea he had had with his former student Hermione Granger.


	5. 5.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the events of this chapter happen in the afternoon, right before the nightly chat with Alba at the end of chapter 4

That Thursday had begun exactly like every other Thursday, with him going on errands with his two personal Aurors unobtrusively watching him from afar and then losing himself between shelves among shelves full of interesting books. What he hadn’t imagined was to meet again Hermione Granger inside his favourite bookstore, curled on herself on the old couch in the Erotic section, with trembling hands and red-rimmed eyes. He immediately knew she had been crying.

At first, he had thought to just turn on his heels and leave her there, he didn’t want to ruin his free day comforting a weeping witch, but then a voice at the back of his mind started whispering at him. It sounded a lot like Dumbledore’s really.

“Why are you crying?” he asked from afar crossing his arms and leaning against one of the shelves. “Weren't successful enough in learning from that stupid erotic book?”

She shrieked, startled from his sudden appearance. Her hair were a mess and some rebellious curls, wet from her obvious crying, had stuck to her forehead. She wasn’t crying anymore but her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks flushed. She was a right mess, but he found himself appreciating the sight. The girl had bloomed into quite a beautiful woman and he definitely wasn’t blind.

“Oh, sod off!” she exclaimed, blowing her nose into a white tissue before rubbing at her sore eyes.

“I will not be your teacher anymore, but I still expect to be shown some form of respect.” He spat somewhat angry she didn’t want his help. Not that he minded really, but he had saved people arses all his life without being acknowledged because he had to seem loyal to Voldemort. He was fed up with that.

“Then you should respect my wishes and leave me in peace.” She said before continuing, an edge to her voice. “I seem to remember to have shown you I'm not a girl anymore, so I don't need you here to look after me like you used to do when I was a child at Hogwarts.”

“I'm not totally sure you are not a girl anymore.” He replied and moved to stand in front of her, his arms still crossed.

“What do you want? If you had been hoping for an easy shag after my display last week, I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

_Well, I wouldn’t mind it really._

“A pity really, but that's not why I'm still here.”

“Then pray tell, why are you here?”

“You sound a lot like me right now.” He smirked impressed, then reached a hand towards her, inviting her to stand. “Come with me, you need a cup of tea.”

Severus hadn’t really planned to offer her a cup of tea, but that in the end had seemed the right thing to do. Tea helped relax, warmed the drinker’s body and made the head calmer. He hadn’t done it because he didn’t like to see her sad.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked eyeing his outstretched hand.

“Do I need to have a reason for offering you tea?”

“I don't know. Do you?”

In a way, he could understand her. As a teacher, he had always belittled her, treated her like scum, insulted her and her appearance, and made her think he disliked her for her Muggle heritage, when in the end he had had nothing against her. Hermione Granger’s major problem had been that she was Harry Potter’s best friend, and he couldn’t stand any of the brat’s sidekicks. She didn’t trust him even though she had nothing to fear from him.

“I'm not trying to get into your knickers, Granger.

“I wasn't suggesting that.” She protested, her cheeks red, grasping his hand in order to get to her feet.

“Come. I want to come back here when I'm finished with you.” He had no intention of giving up his free day for her sake.

“You make it sound like a threat.”

“It is.” He said with his best teacher’s voice, and she smiled.

Hermione followed him outside the bookshop and into a small alley on the side where different restaurants and coffee shop stand up. He opted for one with wide glass windows, soft light and not too many customers inside. The cafè was nice, coloured in pastels with nice plants covering the walls. He opened the door for her and went to order their tea, leaving her to choose the table.

“Thank you.” She whispered to the waiter who had brought them tea and a tray with cakes and pastries first, then more softly to Severus who was eyeing his tea before sweetening it with two spoonfuls of sugar. “You stir your tea exactly like you would stir your cauldron.”

“And exactly like I would brew a perfect cauldron, I have just made this tea perfect.” he replied smirking before taking a sip of the brew.

“Modest.”

“So, why were you crying?” he asked and she seemed startled at the question, like she had not expected it or she ad totally forgotten about the reason she was having it with her old Potions Professor.

“I’m not really sure you would be interested in hearing about Ronald Weasley’s and my personal life.”

 _Love affairs then, how boring.,_ he thought to himself before replying.

“I’m not, but if that’s why you had been moping around then I’ll listen to it.

“I wasn’t moping around!” she protested pointing her spoon towards him like she would with her wand.

“Weren’t you?” He asked in a mocking tone raising his eyebrow.

“Well, maybe…” She acknowledged lowering her arm and stirring her tea, not looking at him. “I’m not sure I still love him.”

“Is that it? Then leave him.”

“It’s not that easy!”

“Whyever not?”

The answer seemed so easy for him and yet the girl was desperate, but yet again he had always been so good at severing relationships.

“I… He is everything I have, him and his family.” She started, looking away; her expression was sad. “My parents are dead, and Arthur and Molly have sort of adopted me… I have lived with them for years, I only moved two years ago when I decided I needed some space and bought my own flat.”

“And why do you think you needed your space?”

“I felt kind of suffocating. At first it was fine because we were all mourning, and being all together brought us some peace, but then… it was just too much.”

“You could have bought your flat with the Weasley boy, but you decided you wanted to be on your own.”

“Exactly.”

Severus watched her softly blowing on her tea, warming her hands on the hot mug. Her caramel coloured eyes were sad and something in him stirred. He knew what she was feeling and yet he didn’t, but the only solution he could find was for her to leave the boy.

“I have always wondered about why you ended up with Weasley. It’s not as if you have much in common, really.”

The two of them, along with Harry Potter, had been friends since first year. They had fought Voldemort together and won but beside that, which wasn’t a small thing, they didn’t have much. Ronald Weasley didn’t possess the maturity Hermione had, nor the brain, so it really was a wonder that they still were a couple since they didn’t have many interests in common.

“I don’t know either.” She answered with a soft playful smile. “You know, I have never been very popular at school, and Ron has been my first and only boyfriend. Even when something broke between us, I have never… you know, tried anything else.”

“Perhaps you should.” He suggested with a shrug watching her widen her eyes and blush deeply.

“I’m not going to sha –“ she started but he stopped her with a raised hand.

“Not me, Granger, but someone you feel attracted to.”

“Why should I cheat on him?”

“It’s not technically cheating since you are already sure you don’t love him anymore. You could still ask him some time off, to think about what you really want.”

Hermione looked at him with fearful eyes, then gazed away and for some heartbeat she didn’t say anything. Then, without meeting his eyes, she started whispering.

“We had sex a couple of days ago and it was horrible. He was over me grunting while I watched outside of the window wishing he would be finished soon. I have never felt so detached and dejected… he didn’t even bother to ask me why I hadn’t come.”

“Do you know what this mean?”

“That I don’t love him anymore?”

“Yes, and that he doesn’t love you either. I have never been in a committed relationship, but I have always made sure that all the women I have been with had reached their orgasm at the end of our encounter. It’s a matter of consideration, and he clearly doesn’t respect you if he fell asleep without even be bothered by the fact that you hadn’t climaxed.”

“I… Thank you.” She murmured meeting his eyes. “I didn’t think it could be so easy to talk to you. You’re a good listener.”

“I have been Head of House half my life; listening to my students was part of the job.”

“And yet, you didn’t look like the approachable sort.”

“To you Gryffindors. My Slytherins knew they could come to me any moment if they needed to."

“Well, yes.” She conceded with a smile. “I will go now, if you don’t mind. I need some time to think about what you have told me.”

“By all means.” He said before standing with Hermione and escorting her outside the coffee chop.

She had indeed much to think about and he wasn’t sure about what kind of decision she would take in the end. What he knew for certain was that Weasley was an asshole and she certainly deserved much more. He hadn’t asked her what Potter thought about this, if she had talked to him about her problems at all. Moreover, he wondered if she was already seeing someone else since she had blushed so violently at his mention of going with another man just to see if something in her changed. That boy was an idiot. He certainly would make her cry out his name over and over again if he were to have her splayed naked on his bed. Granger was a beautiful woman and no matter the fact that he had been her Professor, he wouldn’t mind shagging her senseless.

They walked quietly beside each other, Severus headed to his bookstore and Hermione to the apparition point, lost in their thought when a sudden voice broke through their musing.

“Hermione!” the big voice exclaimed at their backs, and immediately spun on his heels, his wand pointed on the Weasley boy. It seems he still had good reflexes. “What the fuck are you doing here with him?”

“Ron!” she exclaimed, and he saw a bolt of panic rise in her eyes. “Show some respect to him!”

“What the fuck are you doing here, Hermione?” he repeated, completely ignoring her request, and he sounded angry. “You told me you had extra work to do but I went to the hospital because I wanted to have lunch with you and they told me you had asked the day off! And now I find you here with him! What the fuck is going on?”

Ron was fuming and his face had taken on a red colour which rivalled that of his hair. His hands were balled into tight fists at his sides and was advancing towards Hermione which had started approaching him with her hands up and an apologetic face, even if eyes showed a completely different thing.

“I’m sorry, love.” She said in a soothing tone before caressing his arms. “I needed some time for myself and went to the bookshop and met Professor Snape. I hadn’t seen him in ages, so we went to have tea together, nothing special.”

“Do you think I’m stupid, Hermione?” He said angrily freeing himself from her grip. “I know what you have been doing all this time!” he yelled, and a look of panic crossed Hermione’s eyes who started to protest. “You disgust me!”

Severus had assisted to the fight in silence, his wand lowered but ready to strike, resisting the urge to hex the boy’s balls for the way he was talking to his girlfriend. It wasn’t any of his business and he planned to stay out of it, but when the young Weasley shoved Hermione forcefully to one side making her lose her balance and fall to the ground, he acted quickly moving his wand towards him and throwing him against the near wall.

In two quick strides he was crouching before him, his hand at the collar of his jumper and his dark wand pointing at his neck. Severus’ eyes were never ending pools of dark water and, while to the outside they looked a calm sea, inside himself a stormy ocean was shattering against the rocks. How dare him treat her like that?

“I think it’s enough Weasley.” He said through clenched teeth, calming his breathing. “Apologize to her, now.”

However, the boy just laughed at him, a mad gleam in his eyes.

“You are not my Professor anymore, Snape. And besides, what do you think you are doing? We all know you can’t use dark spells; you are still on hold.”

It was Severus’ time to smirk, his crooked teeth bared, and an evil cloud morphed his features.

“Is this what you think, Weasley? Have you ever tried an Inflatus on someone’s breathing organs?” he explained, and his smirked deepened at the sudden look of horror in the boy’s eyes. “It does a really funny thing, you know. Your organs start to swell until there is no room for anything else and then your heart, exhausted because it had had to pump up more blood, just stops working and you die. Would you like that?”

“NO! NO, PLEASE! NO!” Ron yelled, desperately trying to free himself from Snape’s grasp. “Hermione please, help me!”

“Apologize, Weasley.”

“Please! I’m sorry!” he said crying moving his head from left to right, his eyes tightly shut. “I’m sorry!”

“I’m not who you must apologize to, you idiot!” he snapped, shaking him more. “Granger! You must apologize to Granger!”

“Hermione! Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Severus moved his gaze from Weasley to Hermione, taking in her sorrowful eyes and pale cheeks. She didn’t say anything for a while, just looking at her boyfriend without saying a word, but then she asked him to release the dunderhead. However, instead of going to Hermione, the ginger scrambled to his fit and run away before apparating, probably splinching himself in the act.

He shook his head before approaching Hermione who was trembling and had her eyes locked on the ground.

“Are you okay?” he asked tilting his head to the side and appraising her. Only then did he realise she was silently crying. He rested a gentle hand on her wrist and squeezed it before moving it up the length of her arm and laying it first on her shoulder and then on the side of her neck. Only then she looked up at him, her caramel eyes wide and clouded by tears.

“No.” she whispered so softly he nearly didn’t hear her and then put her face on his black coat, effectively crying on his chest. He stiffened at the contact but immediately relaxed and brought his arms to envelope her.

She fit perfectly against him and in a way, he felt in peace. It had passed a lifetime since the last time he had held another human being between his arms. When the memory of Lily’s lifeless body assaulted him, he tightened his hold on Hermione and she sighed deeply, closing her fists on his coat. He laid his chin on her curly head, burying his large nose between her hair and inhaling deeply her scent. It was sweet with a hint of peach and lime and he liked it. She cried some more, clutching at him with dear life, and he never loosened his grip on her. When Hermione finally stopped crying, she lifted her head and looked up at him, searching his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered drying her eyes with the back of her hand. “I didn’t want to ruin your coat.”

He waved her apology away and escorted her to her flat which wasn’t that far from the library. Her thanks were awkward, and she had delivered them without meeting his eyes, but it had been nice to hear them as he wasn’t used to being thanked.

When Severus finally went home late in the evening, he mused about the event of that afternoon while eating a slice of lasagna and thought about how much he had changed over the years and even more since he had started his correspondence with Alba. He had definitely gone soft, but he didn’t care.


	6. 6.

There was one thing that made him relax more than everything else, and it was brewing. It had always been like that, even when he was only a young boy. In the last years of the war relaxing had been impossible but brewing had given him the chance to clear his mind, calm his fast beating heart and loosen his stiff back. Stirring a cauldron had him entranced even if he never allowed himself to lose concentration and blew up a potion. It could be both relaxing and challenging and he loved studying the way different ingredients mixed together.

That morning, after his cuddling with Miss Granger the previous afternoon and his ‘heated kiss’ with Alba at night, he had woken up with the urgent need to calm his overstimulated senses and mind. For what concerned his aching cock, he had taken care of it already as soon as he had got up from bed. A freezing shower and his bone had dropped immediately. He had had a very vivid dream featuring both Hermione and Alba doing naughty things to each other while he watched them languidly stretched on his bed. Then the two women had walked catlike towards him and he had spent the night fucking them senseless. Severus had woken up all sweaty and achy, but the dream had been absolutely worth it.

Years of self-restraint and his nightly masturbation sessions with Alba had been doing wonders to his libido. He wasn’t old, not by wizard’s standards, but he had never craved sex as much as much as he was those days. _I need a damn shag!_

So, it was when brewing a new butch of Pepper-Up to sell to a couple of Apothecaries that a brownish owl interrupted his reverie. He looked at it for a couple of seconds before picking up some food for the bird and approaching it. It was a beautiful owl, with both light and dark feathers and a long beak, a bit similar to his own really. He fed and stroked it gently before retrieving the envelope that was tightly tied to one end of the large package with a red ribbon. Severus only seldom received letters, apart from the monthly subscription to Potions Weekly and a couple of other magazines he read, and for this reason he was very curious about the content inside the parcel.

However, when he untied the ribbon and read the very short missive which contained only two words, he had no doubts on who had sent it. _Thank You_ , it said in a very elegant handwriting he had seen so many times on her essays during his years as Potions Master and DADA Professor at Hogwarts. Hermione Granger had sent him a gift, a book if he had to try a guess, to thank him most likely for what he had done for her the day before. _Bloody Gryffindor sentimentality!,_ he thought to himself opening the squared package.

Her gift was indeed a book, one of the very first editions of Moste Potente Potions, and one he greatly appreciated. The volume was old and battered with its barely held-together sheets of paper, but he knew it was worth a small fortune and wondered why the heck the girl had decided to give it over to him and not keep it for her. As a child she had been a pain in his arse but now, even if he had seen her only two times, he found her company to be not as bad as he had imagined. Well, she wasn’t a girl anymore.

What had happened the day before… he hadn’t hesitated a moment before going against the Weasley boy. He had grown up quite a few inches, but he was still taller than him and much more dangerous. It was true that the Aurors would immediately know if he were to use dark spells, but his bag of tricks was so vast he didn’t really need to use dark magic in order to inflict pain to someone. Nevertheless, he would have incapacitated him if he had tried to attach him or cause any harm to Hermione.

Severus was quite the bastard type of man, but he had never willingly hurt physically a woman. He had already seen too much abuse in his own home, when his father would come home drunk and beat first him and then his mum. It had been a relief when the man had finally died, but at the point the damage had already been done. Her mum had suffered from depression for years before closing her eyes for ever and him… well, he would be permanently damaged.

Carefully closing the valuable tome, he put it on a shelf and went to sit on a stool next to his workbench. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, clearing his thoughts and calming his mind. He didn’t really know what his problem was, apart the fact that he was falling for a girl half his age that he had never seen. He knew nearly nothing about her and even of what he knew, he wasn’t totally sure it was the truth. However, what he had with her he had never had with anyone. There was a strange intimacy between them that went beyond the physical affinity provided by what they did at night. It was more. It was a lot more and it scared the hell out of him.

The day passed quickly with him brewing and trying not to think about the mess that was his own life, and when night came, with it came also the anticipation that went with the thought of seeing Alba and talking to her.

_‘How are you feeling today?’_ he asked after replying to her greetings.

 _-Better, thanks to you.,_ she replied, and he was glad to hear that he had been able to help her at least a little. _-You're an amazing man, Leo._

_‘And you an amazing woman, my cheeky little thing.’_

_-What about you? We always talk about my problems, never about yours. How are you?_

_‘A bit edgy today if I have to be honest.’_ He replied honestly. Besides, it was all her fault if he was feeling that way.

_-How come? What happened?_

_‘Not much really. I just have many thoughts in my mind.’_

_YOU! You are my ‘many thoughts in my damn mind!_

_-Such as?_

_‘Such as you, for example._ ’ He typed after some thought. He wasn’t sure he wanted to give her all this power over him but then again, she already had a lot, and he had no doubt she knew it.

_-And what sort of thoughts are you having about me?_

_‘Many sorts. That's the problem.’_

He had thought she would start teasing him, telling him naughty things until they both ended up naked panting over each other, him with a hand around his erect shaft and her with two fingers pumping inside her glistening pussy. But no, one more time she surprised him understanding the delicate moment and trying to be a confident to him. Perhaps she wasn’t playing with him; perhaps she really cared about him and would not use the power she had to hurt him like everyone had always done.

_-You told me once I could talk to you. You can too, you know._

_‘I don't know what to say.’_ He said, but it wasn’t true. He knew what he wanted to say but he wasn’t sure it would be the right thing to do. He had never been good at opening his heart.

- _What would you like to say? Or to tell me?_

 _‘That I like you.’_ He finally wrote and swallowed hard, knowing he sounded like a lost and lovesick puppy. _‘Even if I don't know you and you're way too young.’_

_-I'm more mature than you think. And I like you too. What happened yesterday... It had never happened with anyone else. I have never reached to anyone like that, never felt the need, but with you everything is different.’_

At those words his heart swelled, and he had to inhale deeply to stifle a scream. She liked him. Alba had already told him once, but it always came difficult to him to accept love in any form. To think that someone could find him sufficiently acceptable to love was disconcerting. He had never had real friends, only convenient ones, and only a few people had ever cared for him.

_‘It felt like really kissing you.’_

_-And now I want to really kiss you._

_‘And me you.’_ He told her typing quickly his reply. He wanted to feel again what he had experienced the night before, only in real with her pressed against him and her smell under his large nose.

_-Leo, I need to set my life to right first, but then I'll throw myself at you and kiss you senseless._

Her words hit Severus hard, making him shiver. What she had said was something he deeply desired, but he had dreamt of love nearly all his life and had never really conquered him. Love rejected him and he wanted no illusions of a happy life, one where he could cuddle in bed with the woman who had stolen his heart. But he knew it was just too difficult, perhaps even impossible. Alba was only 25 and would be changing her mind very quickly. Besides, she deserved better than him. Everyone deserved someone better than him.

_‘Do not make promises you are not sure to be able to keep, Alba. Never do it.’_

_-It's not a promise. It's a wish, one I have now. Do you really think it's only difficult for you? I'm falling for a man twice my age I know nothing about apart from the fact that he is a good man._

_She is falling for me… she is falling for me; and she thinks I’m a good man… if she only knew the truth. If she only knew what I had been forced to do all my life, what a horrible person I am._

_‘Perhaps I'm not good at all. You can't really know.’_

_-Oh no, I know that. And I know it because if you wanted to hurt me you wouldn't be arguing with me about this._

_‘I would like to meet you one day, even if only to say hello and give a face to the woman I have been talking to for days.’_

_-I would like that too.,_ she asked then added like an afterthought. _-Are you going to sleep anytime soon?_

_‘I don't know. I think I'll lay down in bed, but usually sleep comes very late.’_

Severus didn’t sleep much at all. It had been like that for years and even now that he was virtually a free man, he couldn’t seem to be able to stop that habit. He would sleep for a while but then nightmares would assault him, often making him trash around, others making him scream so hard his throat ended up raw. Memories of what he had been forced to do and watch as a Death Eater hunted him, and the eyes of those he hadn’t been able to save were branded behind his lids. His scars would forever burn his flesh, no matter how hard he tried to forget.

_-You think too much! You need to relax!_

_‘Any suggestion?’_ He asked, hoping she had some nice idea on her cheeky mind. He wasn’t really feeling much up to masturbating right then, as his mind was clouded and he felt somewhat sad, even if he didn’t really know why, but for her he would make an exception.

_-Perhaps..._

_‘What do you have in mind?’_

_-I would like to show you something. It's what I usually do when sleep doesn't come. It helps me relax and besides, you know, the way I usually masturbate with people... It's not the same way I do it when I'm alone at night._

That caught his attention and he leaned over just a fraction, sitting more comfortably and steepling his fingers on his lips. _And how do you did it then, mh?_

_‘Ah no? I'm curious now.’_

_-It's difficult to explain._

_‘Show me then.’_

_-Only if... Will you stay with me tonight?_

He read her text a couple of times, trying to understand the meaning of what she had just said. What did she mean by that? She certainly wasn’t asking him to go over to her place, or her to his, was she?

_‘What do you mean?’_

_-Keep the connection open. Sleep the night with me. I would like to wake up tomorrow, with sleepy eyes and a messy tangle of hair, and say good morning to you. Would you do that? I usually fall asleep immediately after getting off..._

The thought of doing something like that made his heart ache. It sounded so intimate and it certainly wasn’t something he had ever done before. No woman had ever slept next to him after having sex and he had never had the pleasure of waking up with a warm body next to his. Perhaps Alba really cared for him, otherwise why asking him something like that? And yet, he wasn’t sure about it.

_‘Are you sure?’_

_-Why not? I trust you._

_‘I don't know. It sounds a bit creepy, but I would like to fall asleep watching over you.’_

_-Then it's settled, isn't it? Get comfortable. Good night, Leo._

Soon after, Alba opened the connection, and he was finally able to see her. Everything was dark, except for her and the bed behind her shoulders which seemed to be just barely lighted by a soft lamp on a drawer in proximity. She was wearing a pink T-shirt and, when she stood up from her sit, she removed it. He now found himself face-to-face with her small breasts, whose nipples were probably hard from the chilly hair of the room, and he looked at them breathing deeply. She was utterly beautiful. Severus had never seen something so deliciously perfect.

She moved her fingertips lightly through her torso, grazing her nipples in a feather-light touch, until first her hands then her arms covered them to his eyes. One moment later she gave him her back and put on an oversized fluffly nightshirt with a wood which had two big cat ears stuck at each side of her head. That way her face would stay covered. He longed to see her, to give a visage to that adorable woman, but they had never talked about showing themselves to the other and perhaps it was best that way. He was ugly, his features too sharp and his nose too big, and he would scare her off immediately. Anyway, he wished he would be able to meet her eyes and see if that cheeky smile that always played on her lips would also reach them.

He watched her move and saw that she wasn’t wearing any trousers but only a pair of plain knickers which left half of her cheeks bared. Before crawling on the bed, she removed her underwear, and then settled with her belly on the mattress and her arms and legs stretched. Even if not clearly, Severus could see her pussy and he longed to crawl behind her and massage those perfect globes before placing his mouth oh her lips. He saw her hand sneak around and spread her labia which were already glistening with moisture. When she raised her arms and her hips started moving up and down on the mattress, he stopped breathing. The sight was nearly hypnotic, and he couldn’t look away. She was moving like she would if she had a body under her, her labia trapping a cock under them. The friction of her pussy grinding against the linen was doing wonders to her cunt if the juices he saw escaping from her were any indication.

Severus was totally mesmerized by the sight and while he was hard, he couldn’t find himself to take off his cock and wank at her display. No, he couldn’t. This was her time, and he had no rights. Besides, he wanted to concentrate on her. The curve of her spine that ended in her round globes was perfect and her pussy… well, he would sunk in her immediately if he had the chance. She was a sensual being and an erotic sight to behold. Her movements grew erratic and he knew that she had to be near. His fingers reached the screen and he lightly touched it where her spine arched and, even if he knew she couldn’t feel it, for him it was like being together with her in that bed which now smelled of her sweet scent, of her sex. He saw her arch her back like a cat when her orgasm overwhelmed her sensitive body. Alba, tired and satisfied, collapsed on the bed and, when she finally allowed herself to relax and succumb to sleep, she stretched her legs showing him her glistening folds and the result of her delicious self-lovemaking.


	7. 7.

Those last few weeks had been weird, to say the least. He had spent the last 7 years alone, going for days on hand without talking to anyone, and now he found himself having a sort of long-distance relationship with a girl he had never seen but which had stolen his scarred heart, and a friendship of sorts with a former student which had been a pain in his arse for far too long.

Nearly three weeks before, he had woken up in his bed one morning sporting a painful erection and a beautiful creature watching over him, from behind the screen, while he slept. She had seen him stir, starting to come out from sleep, and written to him _-Good Morning, my handsome bastard.,_ and he had smiled at it while stifling a yawn. It had been a weird and beautiful, overwhelming and heart-aching sensation but he had loved it. The way she had trusted him with something so intimate the night before had warmed his soul and he knew he had fallen asleep with a soft smile on his lips. From there on, they had talked to each other every night and shared some more personal moment together. She seemed happier and he was as well, like he hadn’t been in what felt like forever, even if she still didn’t want to show herself. It was the same for him, despite knowing she really liked him, because the fear of rejection was stronger than everything. However, he didn’t know how much he still could resist without being with her. He wanted Alba and needed to keep her between his arms.

Severus had also seen Hermione Granger two more times at the bookshop and planned to see her again in two days. The girl had been a surprise and, even if he would never tell her, he appreciated her company greatly. She would often drag him out of the bookshop and into the coffee shop they had had their first tea together, and they would pass some time talking about different things, sometimes arguing over this or that potion article. He enjoyed his time with her and, even if she still was the curious kind, didn’t talked as much as she used to as a schoolgirl. They had also talked more about her relationship with the dunderhead and they had agreed that cheating on him wasn’t the solution, nor the right thing to do, if she wanted to solve her problems. Weasley had not shown for more than one week after his bashing and when he had, Hermione had clearly told him she needed some time alone to clear her mind and think things through. When they had talked about this there had been a moment when she had blushed furiously, and only after some thought he had recalled that it had happened when they had had the cheating-talk. That’s why he had wondered if she had been thinking about someone in particular, or if there was someone else in her life. However, he had not pried further.

Three days later, while reading the introduction of a book he was interested in, Severus wasn’t disappointed when he heard her voice from behind his back.

“Tea?” she asked in a bright voice. “Or would you prefer coffee today?”

Closing the book and putting it back on the shelf, he was made speechless when his eyes landed on her. It was a sunny day, one of those you didn’t often see in London, and Hermione was wearing a light brown jacket over a yellow summer dress which left a good portion of her legs bare and low wedge heels. He looked at her, not bothering to hide his perusal of her body, and she blushed furiously which made the freckles on her cheeks stand up. _She is pretty!,_ he thought before internally shaking his head. _No, not pretty, beautiful._

“Tea is perfectly fine.” He answered her in a husky tone.

They went over to the small cafè and they found it quite crowded for a Thursday, so she suggested they took their brews away and went on a stroll around the small park located near there.

It was strange for him to silently walk in the company of a former student, knowing that no Master was going to summon him, and that Harry Potter would not be putting himself in danger anytime soon. It was strange to be in peace, to be free and be able to do all those things he had always been privy of. When they reached a small clearing, he sat down on a wooden bench while she took a place near him on the grass. He didn’t know why she did it, but the way the sun played on her face whenever she would gaze at him highlighted her features in a very enticing fashion.

“How are you these days? I was so caught up in my messy life I haven’t asked you much about yours.” She asked suddenly before sipping on her tea.

“Fine.” He answered watching two kids playing football in the distance. “As usual. The same boring stuff every day.”

“I bet these years have been difficult for you. Are you still in touch with Professor McGonagall or I don't know, any other Professor or member of the Order? I sometimes hear from her and Professor Vitious but I haven’t kept in touch much with the others…”

“Not really.” He shrugged, still looking at the two children. He brought his attention to her only when he felt a feather-light touch on his hand, and when he gazed down Hermione was tracing the marks on his fingers, the ones he had collected in his many years as a Potions Master. He watched her closely, not wanting to pull his hand away even if the contact was making him slightly uncomfortable.

“Just me.” She whispered softly finally looking at him.

“Just you.”

“Any woman?” she then asked with a smirk and, at his tense expression, she chuckled, and he relaxed just a fraction.

“You are a little minx, Granger.” He told her pulling his hand away and moving a strand of hair from his face.

“Well, I'm curious! I have told you a lot about me, but I know nothing about you and your life!”

And it was true. He had barely said a word about his life before, during or after his spying days, and everything she knew, she knew it because it was common knowledge. He had always been on his own, hiding from anyone and keeping his secrets, but he didn’t need to do that anymore. Still, talking about himself was difficult and he had a hard time answering her questions. However, he tried his best. He was loathed to admit it, but she liked her and even if he didn’t understand why, he felt sufficiently comfortable with her. As it seems, she was with him as well.

“None.” He whispered looking away. It was true, she had asked if he saw any woman, and he didn’t. Unfortunately, he had never seen Alba.

“Men?”

“Granger!”

“Well...” she said softly before asking in a low tone, unsure of herself and of what she was saying. “Do you wish there was someone, then?”

“I'm not sure. I don't really think about this kind of things.”

It wasn’t true and he knew it. She probably knew herself but didn’t say anything. Severus wanted to forget everything that his life had been and get a new one. He wanted to move on, be happy and wake up every morning with a woman in love with him between his arms. He wanted a normal life and not to be watched like he is a monster. He wasn’t going to tell her however, because it was to painful to think about, and even more painful to imagine what his life would be in a couple of years’ time. He wanted what he had never had; happiness.

“What about... Harry's mum?”

“What about her?”

“Do you still love her?”

“I don’t and haven't in many years, Granger.”

The memory of Lily had haunted him for years, and it still did sometimes when he was feeling particularly melancholy or depressed. Fortunately, it didn’t happen as often as it used to, but he still had those days sometimes, mostly on those times when he found himself thinking about her death or things that made him think of her. However, he didn’t love anymore and hadn’t loved her for a long time. His problem was his guilt and the knowledge that she had died because of him, and because he had been a selfish idiot striving to make an impression. He had regretted it immediately after, but the damage had already been done. He had fought all his life for her, to redeem himself and show that he really regretted what he had done. He had given his life for her and her child and would do it again, even now that he knew what it would cost him.

His reveries were interrupted one more time by Granger who, pressing again her hand against his, surprised him again. She was so insightful and empathetic, he had discovered, that she sometimes scared him. No wonder Potter and Weasley always went to her for everything. She was a good woman.

“Then you are free to love again. Why don't you do it?”

“I'm not looking for a woman right now, thank you.”

“Are you afraid?” she asked suddenly, standing up from her spot on the grass and sitting down again, this time on the bench right next to him.

“Of what?” he answered gritting his teeth, somewhat angry at her question, and going immediately on the defensive.

“Suffering again.”

“Stop it, Granger.” He threatened, but she seemed unaffected. He moved his heated gaze from her eyes to a point somewhere on his left but her soft voice and gentle touch on his cheek, moving a strand of raven hair which had fallen on his face, beckoned him to her again.

“You deserve to be loved, Severus. You have wasted enough of your time, don't you think?”

Hermione’s words shocked him, leaving him speechless. His eyelids fluttered closed for a moment and he breathed deeply loving the feeling of her soft and warm hand on his rough flesh. He missed human contact, the feeling of peace and calm and rightness it always brought with it when it wasn’t done with the intent of hurting him. And he knew he needed it as well; he was starving. Without even thinking he leaned on her touch and he swallowed hard when he felt her tiny arms envelope him. His soul felt lighter and so did his heart. Severus had hurt her more times than he cared to remember, and yet there she was, forgiving him, holding the monster she knew him to be and yet not caring. His scars ached and his insides burnt but he felt safe with her, like he belonged there.

“Don’t you think I have deserved all I have got?” he said in a whisper, his voice low and muffled by her hair.

“No, I don’t think so.”

They stayed like that for some time and to him it seemed like she had needed that hug as much as he had needed it, and this made him pleased in a strange sort of way. He carefully disentangled himself from her hug and looked at her with a playful smirk on his lips.

“You used to be a brat. When did that change?” he told Hermione and she smaked him on his arm, making him laugh. He liked taunting her and the way she jokingly looked so offended.

“You used to be a bastard. When did that change?” she retorted crossing her arms, and his grin broadened.

“It didn't. I'm still a bastard.”

“Not as bastard as you used to be, then.”

“Touché.”

She was still touching him, keeping his large hand in her smaller one, like she didn’t want to let him leave. Well, he didn’t really. He found her companionship nice and he felt comfortable with her, even though it was weird to think she had been his student only a couple of years before, because she wasn’t there to judge him. She knew what a bastard he was and was aware at least a little of what he had been forced to do to keep his cover. She knew he should have ended in Azkaban but she still didn’t want him there.

“I wish I had known before what a wonderful person you are.” She said truthfully chaining her eyes to his and one more time he found himself lost in her caramel irises and in that visage he had learnt to appreciate and look for when walking on the street. Who knows if things would have been different if he had had her as an ally during his darkest days.

“You weren't meant to know. No one was.”

“I don't mean when you were my teacher, I mean seven, five, four years ago, last year... Just, before now.”

“It’s never too late.” He told her and he meant it.

Hermione smiled at him and release his hand. They stayed there for some time, quietly talking or lost in their own thoughts, until it was time to go and he escorted her to her flat. She thanked him for having spent his free evening with her and for having escorted her up to her home, but he waved her thanks away.

“I... Would like to ask you to come inside, but I guess you have to go back…”

“Indeed, I have.”

“Next time perhaps?” she asked hopefully, chewing on her lower lips; a habit he remembered she had had even when she had been a student.

“Next time.”

“Good night, Professor.”

“Good night, Granger.” He replied and walked away. When he was halfway, he turned on his heels and called her. “Ah, Granger. You may call me, Severus.”

The smile she gave him was the brightest he had ever seen and something inside him moved so forcefully he had closed his eyes and breathe deeply. _I’m doing the right thing, I know I am._

“Severus!” she called him again, tasting his name on her tongue. “You may call me, Hermione.”

He didn’t smile as wide as she had but he did nonetheless. He was feeling happy like he had been only a few times in his fucking life. It was time to live again and he was going to do it.


	8. 8.

Severus had told her, the Thursday before, that the following week he would have accepted her invitation to come inside her flat. However, he hadn’t thought that the girl would have really taken his words as a promise and invited him over for dinner. Not that he minded, but it seemed to him too much too soon. He wasn’t sure to be able to do it without messing everything up, even if in the end it was only a dinner with a friend. A friend… he now had a friend; something he had desired all his life and never had been gift with.

As usually, they had met at the bookstore and then moved to the cafè for a cup of hot tea and a chat. As the afternoon had progressed, nervousness had started to creep into his subconscious, making him talk less and less. However, if had read her correctly, even Hermione seemed a bit off.

“Do you want to have dinner with me, then?” she had asked at some point, her voice slightly unsteady and her lower lips trapped between her teeth.

He had watched her intently for some moment, trying to understand if she really wanted him at her place, and then had nodded his agreement. She had brightly smiled at him, her nervousness disappeared altogether, and his heart had warmed just a little bit more.

While exiting the coffee shop, Hermione had admitted to not being a good cook and asked him what he would have liked to eat so that they could go and pick it up. In the end, he let her have the final decision and she chose Chinese take away, so when they finally reached her house they had their hands full of bags with steamed dumplings, sweet and sour chicken, spicy king prawns, crispy spring rolls and other delicious dishes. He had never had Chinese food, but he wasn’t going to tell her that, and he was curious about all the things she had wanted to buy.

“Welcome to Granger Manor!” she exclaimed opening the door to her flat. She kicked it with her foot and went inside. A light went on, illuminating the small sitting room and adjacent kitchenette. Hermione’s flat was small but nice and looked very comfortable with its collection of books, an overlarge couch with cushions, a stone fireplace and rugs all over the floor. Moreover, it smelled of her and her scent was beautifully sweet and pleasant. “It’s not much, but it’s mine and it’s home.”

“It’s nice.” He only said, depositing his bags on the table and looking around. “I can easily recognise you in here…”

“Can you?” she asked pleased with herself, and at his nod she started opening the bags and setting the small table in front of the couch.

The food was good, even though the first taste of sweet and sour sauce had made him sputter like a Chinese Fireball. He had never eaten something so spicy. Hermione had laughed at his face, but he hadn’t taken offence, he knew she never mocked him. Hermione was a kind-hearted girl, and he liked the fact that with her he could be himself, as much as he allowed himself to be. He would always make a face at her impudence but then silently laugh along with her.

They had been eating chocolate muffins in a companiable silence when she wiped her mouth and suddenly cleared her throat; he looked at her.

“There's something I haven't told you...” she said in a quiet voice avoiding his eyes while she nervously twisted her fingers in her lap.

“Such us?” he asked, curious about her suddenly agitated behaviour.

“I... I'm seeing someone.” She declared staring at a spot of dirt in the blue carpet. “I don't know much about this person, but I like him. He understands me and listens to me and what I have to say... Like you, you know.” Hermione explained and finally looked up at him who was watching her intently. “But I'm scared about all of this situation... I don't know if what I feel for him it's really true or if it's only the moment because with Ron everything is going so wrong…”

That, he hadn’t expected. However, she seemed sincere about her feelings and her worries and beside her words, her eyes spoke volumes. They were bright and deep like pools of sweet caramel and shone in the light of the room. He had no doubts she cared for this mysterious man and he was contented if she found happiness with this man. Weasley didn’t deserve her, but she had understood it too late.

“Does he feel the same?”

“I think so. He has told me he likes me and enjoys spending his time with me but... It's difficult. It's like he fears his feelings even more than I do.”

“Keep exploring then. If you really like him and him you, then everything will fit in the end. However, you must talk to Weasley and put an end to this. What you are doing it's not correct to either of them, or to yourself.”

“You told me to cheat on him just the other day!” she protested furrowing her brows.

“True, but I didn't really mean it. For the way Weasley mistreated you, he would deserve it. However, you are not one who makes people suffer only for the sake of vengeance. So, no. I don't think you should do things behind his back.”

At his words her eyes changed, becoming downcast. He watched the veil clouding her gaze become thicker and he found himself wondering at her sudden estrangement.

“Maybe I already have.”

“Have you?” he carefully asked, keeping his blank stare trained on her. _What have you done, Hermione?_

“No.” she replied, after a long moment of silence, finally looking at him in the eyes. He read uncertainty and nervousness even if her answer had been direct and with an edge in her voice. She definitely was hiding something, but if she wasn’t telling him about it, he was sure she had her reasons. He wouldn’t press her; she would tell him soon. As if the right moment for a change in conversation had arrived, she leaped to her feet and went to a small cupboard near the TV screen. “Want to see a film?”

From inside Hermione took out a few DVD with different titles. He knew how a DVD worked but, as he didn’t possess a player, he had never used one. He always watched films on his TV in the afternoon or at night as they helped him fall asleep.

“Not one with lovesick puppies drooling over each other before shagging the hell out of the other one, please.” He said sneering and getting up to go look for himself over the titles. “This one seems good.” He pointed out at one with a man in his fifties with a gun in his hand.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, why?”

“Well… the main character is kind of a killer…”

“Don’t worry, I can take it.” He told her with a small smile at the corner of his lips; he liked thrillers and action films.

The film was actually good, with a good plot and great special effects, and the actor’s abilities were remarkable. They were half-way through it when something inside him moved. His eyes were fixed on the screen where the main character’s monologue was unfolding. The man was giving them his scars-covered back, and Severus could feel his pain through his words like it was his own. In a way, it really was. Martin, that was the protagonist’s name, was a killer exactly like himself. No matter what he did to redeem himself, he would always be an assassin.

His words echoed in his mind while he stayed petrified, unable to see and hear anything but those scars and the drips of water that descended on the man’s back. Only when Hermione paused the video and her hand touched his wrist, was he able to look away and come back to himself. Her fingers on his flesh were warm and soothing and helped him relax a fraction.

“You okay?” she asked, worried at his sudden change but understanding of what she thought he was feeling. “You have scars too, don't you?”

“I do.” Severus whispered in a barely audible voice. “Too many.”

He felt Hermione move nearer and, for some reason he couldn’t explain, he tensed again. However, her touch was gentle and delicate and so warm he was able to close his eyes and breathe deeply. Her ringlets of hair were brushing against his flesh so lightly he shivered at the depth of warmth that suffused his insides. She moved a strand of raven hair out of his face, revealing his dark eyes, sharp cheekbones and large nose, and with a trembling fingertip barely touched his neck.

“You wear a glamour here.” She said, her breath hovering over the hidden scars left from Nagini’s bite.

“Yes.” He breathed, his eyes still closed, and nearly moaned when the Concealment Charm was lift. That one was a horrible scar and he hated it. It wasn’t the worse one, his back was mapped in thick and jagged marks and some of them sometimes still hurt, but he hated it for what it meant. Everyone hated him, everyone wanted him dead. Not even the Dark Lord, the only one person he had barely given reason to antagonise him, had in the end wanted him alive. His life was nothing; his life meant nothing. And as if she had heard his head screaming, Hermione’s hands raised to cup his cheek.

“I’m glad you are here, Severus.” Her voice said softly. Them she placed a kiss on his flesh, which made him quiver. “I’m really glad.” At her words, his eyes fluttered open again and locked on her caramel ones, drinking in the truth he could read inside them. “Do you… do you still have the mark? Or has it faded away?” she then asked looking unsure at his left forearm.

“It's still here.”

“Would you allow me to see it?” she asked in a small voice, probably fearing his outburst, but it never came. He knew her intentions were not to hurt him and somehow, he had started to trust her.

“Are you sure?” he inquired, and she nodded mutely. Her tiny hands went to unbutton his cuff and proceeded rolling the fabric up his elbow. The horrible serpent with its skull was there, looking at him as if wanting to bite at him again, and he stood there staring at it with unmoving eyes.

"It's nearly invisible, but I know you can still see it.”

_It’s here, my pale flesh marked for eternity. It will never go away, and I’ll never be anything but a Death Eater and a murderer._

“I can. Everyday.” He sighed and clenched his first when a wave of anger against himself hit him squarely in the chest.

“Let it go, Severus.” She murmured grasping his wrist and caressing his knuckles until he had loosened his fist. “You're allowed some weakness, you know. You don't have to be strong with me.”

“This is who I am.”

“You can be everything you wish to be here with me.” She breathed smiling softly at him and never looking away from his eyes. He knew she had sensed the numerous scars he had on his wrist, the one he had inflicted on himself with a knife so many years before, trying to get the damn mark to go away, but she had chosen not to say a word and he was deeply thankful for that.

_This is who I am: all flaws, only flaws._

“It will never go away.”

“You know, we are more similar than you think.”

With that, she rolled up the fabric of her wine-coloured jumper and revealed her own scar. It was deep and red, made from a cursed dagger, and carried that word he so deeply despised. _Mudblood_ was carved on her white and otherwise immaculate skin and his blood started boiling in anger. In all the time he had spent with her, he had never seen it, not even when she had showed up at the bookstore with that so beautiful summer dress. Hermione, as himself, had her scar concealed.

 _Who did this to you?,_ He wanted to ask her but she just smiled and grasped his hand. Their fingers entwined tightly, and their arms touched connecting their wounds, their scars and souls. He felt whole, like he had never felt, and her smile was so beautiful he found himself intently looking at it. This amazing girl was his friend and cared for him. Her head rested on his shoulder and they stayed in silence for some time, both of them lost in their thoughts. Only after a while, Hermione gazed at him.

“Do you wish to finish the film?” she asked, and he nodded, finally calm and ready to get to end of it.

And so they did. Or at least, he did. Hermione had fallen asleep after some twenty minutes, her head still on his shoulder and her arms draped over his stomach. He couldn’t remember ever experiencing something so heart-warming in his life, and when he turned his face to look at her, he was stunned. She certainly was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, with her long lashes, light freckles and rosy lips. Her lips… he looked at them for so long he lost track of the time. Only one thing he was sure of, he wished he could kiss them. And he knew he was an asshole, because as usual he wasn’t able to appreciate what he had. She was his friend and here he was, wishing she could be something more.

When he moved a tendril of hair from her face and his fingers lingered on her skin, she stretched just a bit and opened her drowsy eyes and her lips curved upward.

“Severus...” she whispered in a low voice looking at him.

“C’mon sleeping beauty, it's time to go to bed! You're snoring!” he said in a light tone, taunting her with a grin on his face.

“I'm not!” she protested, gingerly giving a swat at his bicep.

“Yes, you are.”

“Where's my Prince Charming?”

“I don't know. I can tell you where the Half-Blood Prince is, however. Is him okay as a substitute?”

“It's way better.” She chuckled before closing her eyes again. “Don't you kiss me goodnight?”

He looked at her for endless minutes before picking her up on his arms and carrying her to her bedroom. The flat was small, so he didn’t have any difficulty in finding her room. He gently laid her in the middle of the bed and lift the bedcovers all the way up to her chin. Only then, did Severus put a kiss on her forehead. Hermione’s cheeks coloured, making her even more beautiful.

“Good night, Severus.”

“Good night, sleeping beauty.”


	9. 9.

Severus was bewildered. He had developed so many feelings in those last weeks that he was surprised he hadn’t yet blown up. It certainly was a lot to take in such a short time, but he guessed he had to make up for lost time. He had a life to get back to. His relationship with Alba was going smoothly and, even he feared she was keeping things from him, he cared for her deeply. Besides, he probably was keeping much more from her than the other way around. He had never been one to talk much, and even less of his personal life, and in this case he couldn’t very well tell her he was a wizard at house arrest, charged because he had killed one of the most important men in the Wizarding Word. He just couldn’t.

However, what was giving him a hard time wasn’t his bond with Alba but the one he had formed with Hermione Granger. The girl was a volcano of positive energy and every time she would smile at him, he would find himself spiralling into a whirlwind of emotions he hadn’t experienced since… well, since Lily. He had tried to stay somewhat detached from her, but it seemed impossible. Since their dinner together at her flat, he had started to see her differently, and he seemed unable to shake the image of her beautiful sleeping face from his mind. He had wanted to kiss him back then, and only thanks to his remarkable willpower he had been able to stop himself.

Now, she shared a corner of his heart with Alba, and he didn’t know what to do, beside deeply sighing with his hands through his hair. _I’m fucked! I’m totally fucked!_

It was the middle of the night on a Tuesday and he was reading a Muggle novel he was enjoying a lot. Alba wasn’t online, and she hadn’t been since Saturday, but he wasn’t really bothered by her absence. She missed her a lot but he needed some space right now, to understand what was happening to him and organise his emotions. He was startled from his reading when he heard a loud pounding on his door, followed by voice outside, and he was immediately on his feet, his wand ready on his hand. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it in his ears and, when he understood Aurors were at his door, the noise only increased.

When he opened the door and the two men that usually escorted him on Thursdays came in and explained what had happened and why they were there, he had to Occlude so strongly in order to keep his balance and not fall on his knees before them. _Hermione… Hermione… Hermione…_

Hermione had been brought to San Mungo’s on Sunday morning and only then she had regained consciousness and asked after him. The Mediwizards thought that some magical element that had tricked some old dark magic that had stayed latent inside her body since probably the final battle and made her internal organs bleed. He remembered helping Madame Pomfrey heal her in fifth year after the Battle in Department of Mysteries where that bastard of Dolohov had cursed her with one of his powerful curses which he knew, caused internal injuries. It was probably some side effect, but it could always be something else, he couldn’t be sure. They had saved her just in time, but his witch was strong and, even if she was in pain, had regained consciousness and was fighting for her life.

_Hermione… Hermione… Hermione… I can’t lose you, I can’t. Please, please, please!_

His mind was a total mess and memories of his past kept coming to the forefront, blinding him in his own grief and despair. He had already lost Lily so many years before; he couldn’t lose Hermione too.

When he arrived in San Mungo’s, he was escorted to her room. He hesitated just a few seconds in front of her door, but then pushed it open and went inside. The room was quiet and calm, dark with only a ray from the moon illuminating the prone figure on the bed. Hermione was laying on her side, her pale body covered by a white thin sheet and her arms around her middle. Her delicate face was contorted in a grimace of pain, her brows furrowed, and lips stretched in a thin line. It seemed that she hadn’t heard his arrival, so he approached the bed and sit down next to her in a conjured chair.

“Hermione…” he murmured so softly he barely heard himself and caressed her pale cheeks, trailing his fingertips ever so lightly over her flesh. He watched as she trembled and her eyes fluttered open, revealing tired and pained caramel irises.

“Severus…” she breathed looking at him with half-lidded eyes. “I'm not dreaming, am I?”

“No, you're not.”

“You're here.”

“I am.” He answered stroking her cheeks and hair with such tenderness he only seldom showed to others, and she sighed in relief. “How are you feeling?”

“A total wreck.”

“A beautiful one, nonetheless.” He replied honestly and she smiled weakly at his words, but he was genuine. She really was beautiful, even with her pale flesh and a mess of tangled hair fanning her head. Her delicate face showed the signs of her tiredness and discomfort but for him she was still a sight.

“I can imagine my hair… they must be a right mess!”

“Indeed, they are.” He said smirking and she stuck her tongue at him in a playful way, before becoming one more time serious.

“I'm sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

“I wanted to bake your favourite chocolate chips cookies these days and take them to you on Thursday.”

At hearing her words, the nervousness which had settled in his stomach at her apologies vanished immediately, replaced by a warm humming which suffused his insides. Hermione was an amazing girl and he felt content at the thought that, not only had she wanted him by her side at such a moment but also, she had wanted to do something for him.

“Don't worry about that. We will bake them together as soon as you're feeling better.” He answered, but the sweet smile he loved so much never arrived as cramps hit her and her face contorted in a grimace.

“It hurts so much.” She said in a small voice clutching at her stomach and breathing hard, her eyes closed and mouth slightly open. Watching her suffer made him ache all over and everything he wanted in that moment was to make her pain go away.

“Stop talking and concentrate on your breathing.” Severus instructed her, mimicking the right breathing movements and waiting for her to copy him. “In and out. Come on, my brave little lioness.”

“I love it when you use endearments to address me.”

“I didn't know that. What's your favourite then?”

“Know-it-all.” At that, he chuckled. He used to call her that when in school because that’s what she was. Not that she had changed much in that aspect, she knew far more than most of the wizards and witches her age and older, but she didn’t go around flaunting her knowledge anymore.

“I haven't called you that in ages.”

“I know, but I still like it.” She gasped, a throaty moan leaving her lips, and he immediately reached for her, grasping her tiny hand between hers and trying to give her the strength she needed.

“The effects of the painkillers are vanishing…” he muttered under his breath, knowing that for a couple of hours she couldn’t be dosed with more. One of the Mediwitches had explained that pain relievers slowed her recovery, for this reason they had to keep them to a minimum, otherwise her body would never be able to heal properly. She had to suffer, and he could do nothing for her. “Where does it hurt?”

Breathing hard, Hermione brought one of his hands to lay above her stomach, and she sighed when the waves of pain somewhat eased a little. They stayed like that for hours, enjoying the silence and the presence of the other. Severus never stopped caressing her flesh and hair while his big hand pressed securely on her stomach. The gentle contact seemed to help relieve the pain a little, and after some time she finally drifted off to sleep. He kept watch over her all night, engraving each and every line of her face in his mind.

In the last days he had come to realise how much he cared for Hermione and how deep inside his heart his feelings went, but he couldn’t do much about that. She was already involved with someone else, definitely someone who deserved her more than him, and he himself was somehow trying to build a new life for himself. And he cared for Alba, what she had shown him was pure pleasure and a kindness which spoke of care and love. What they shared was nothing like what he had ever experienced, but so was what Hermione had given him. The only difference was that Hermione was real, all flesh and emotions, while Alba… she was everything his former student was and yet something hit at his heart. He wanted to see her, finally learn her features and keep her between his arms. He wanted to kiss her and make love to her; and yet, that’s what his heart desired every time his dark eyes would meet Hermione’s caramel ones. Could it even be possible that he cared for two different women at the same time?

His reveries were suddenly interrupted by a cold hand upon his, which was still laying on Hermione’s stomach. When his eyes met hers, she was regarding him with a curious but steady gaze, as if trying to discern his thoughts.

“Thank you.” She said softly, her voice a rough whisper, entwining their fingers.

“Whatever for?”

“For being here, with me.” She answered tightening her hold on his hand. “And for giving me the chance to getting to know you.”

“I should be the one telling you this…” he mumbled, trying to lessen the colour that had risen to his cheeks. _Thank Merlin it’s still dark!_ “After everything I have done to you in all the years you have been my student…”

“You are lucky I’m not a resentful person.”

“I am very much, indeed.” He confirmed, lifting a corner of his mouth.

“Come closer…” she asked him, and he obliged drawing nearer.

When his face was just a couple of inches from hers, she placed a hand on his cheek and a gentle kiss on his pale flesh. His eyes fluttered closed at the sensation of her dry but soft lips and he heard himself sigh with pleasure at the same time as her. When she moved away a little, his noses and mouths so close he could have easily kissed her, their eyes met and he felt himself plunge into deep pools of liquid caramel, drowning in them so fast it was like loosing himself in the water.

In that moment he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he wished to lose himself in her embrace and never come back. Her eyes were so beautiful and intense, her smell so sweet and enchanting, her lips so inviting and so near, her body so welcoming… and she was looking at him with such a force he really didn’t know what to think, what to do. Then, like every charm, it ended and she moved away. He was breathless, and so was she, but her gaze was warm and her cheeks slightly pink. However, she didn’t seem embarrassed and for that he was thankful.

“Read something for me?” she asked caressing his hand and settling more comfortably in her bed. Severus thought about it for a moment, then drew up from his pocket the book he had been reading at home before being interrupted.

He spent the rest of the night and the first hours of the new day reading to her, watching her grimace in pain and then drift off to sleep, only to be woken up by more cramps. His voice was steady and, in those moments he had her full attention, he had her enraptured. The novel was an Italian muggle bestseller, written by a famous writer, he had discovered only in recent days. ‘Ocean Sea’, that was the title, had been an amazing discovery and he was happy to share it with her.

He read for hours, keeping her company with his voice, but when he reached his favourite passage in the book, his voice wavered and a lump in his throat formed. He didn’t stop but his gaze went very briefly to her face and he found her looking intently at him.

“ _In Carewall, they would never stop telling this story, if only they knew it. They would never stop._ ” He carefully read, giving an even deeper edge to his voice. “ _Each in his own way, but they would all carry on telling the tale of those two and a whole night spent restoring life to each other, with lips and with hands, a young girl who has seen nothing and a man who has seen too much, one inside the other - every inch of skin a journey, of discovery, of homecoming - in Adam’s mouth to savour the taste of the world, on Elisewin’s breast to forget it - in the womb of that deeply troubled night, black storm, flashes of spume in the darkness, waves like collapsing woodpiles, noise, resounding blasts, raging with sound and speed, hurled onto the veined surface of the sea, the sinews of the world, ocean, sea, a drenched colossus, writhing - sighs, sighs in Elisewin’s throat -soaring velvet - sighs at each new step in that world that crosses mountains never seen and lakes with forms unimaginable - on Adam’s belly the white weight of that young girl swaying to the soundless music - whoever would have said that by kissing the eyes of a man you could see so far away - by caressing the legs of a young girl you could run so fast and escape - escape from everything - to see so far away - they came from the two farthest extremities of life, this is the amazing thing, one would have thought they would have never met, if not by crossing the universe from one end to the other, and instead they did not even have to look for each other, this is the incredible thing, and the only hard thing was recognizing each other, recognizing each other, the work of a moment, at the first glance they already knew, this is the marvellous thing - this is the tale they would continue to tell, forever, in Carewall, so that no one might forget that we are never far enough away to find one another, never - but those two were far enough away - to find each other, far away, farther than any other and now - Elisewin’s voice cried out, because of the torrents of stories that are storming her soul, and Adam weeps, as he feels them slipping away, those stories, finished, finally, finished - perhaps the world is a wound and someone is stitching it up in the fusion of those two bodies - and it is not even love, this is the amazing thing, but it is hands, and skin, lips, astonishment, sex, tastes, - sadness, perhaps - even sadness - desire - when they tell the story they will not say the word love - they will say a thousand words, but they will not mention love - all is silent around them, when suddenly Elisewin feels her back breaking and her mind fading into white, she holds the man close inside her, clasps his hands, and thinks: I’ll die. She feels her back breaking and her mind fading into white, she holds that man close inside her, clasps his hand, and, you see, she will not die._ ”

When he finished, he briefly stopped to get his breathing in check, and looked at her. Hermione’s eyes were close, but he knew she wasn’t sleeping but only savouring the moment. Adam and Elisewin’s story was a very emotional one which had made him shiver uncontrollably for long minutes the first time he had read it, and he had no doubts the same emotions were spiralling inside Hermione at that very same moment.

“You gave me the goosebumps.” She said softly opening her eyes and giving him a sad look.

“Did you like it?”

“I love it, thank you.” And with that she kissed his knuckles in a gentle gesture that made his heart skip a beat.

How he had come to care so deeply for her in such a short amount of time he didn’t know. What he knew however, was that he had found a treasure in her and would try his best to keep her with him. He had already lost one friend; he wasn’t going to do the same mistake twice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you for your support! I didn't think this story could get so much appreciation! ❤️
> 
> The novel I talk about in this chapter is called "Oceano Mare" (Ocean Sea, in English) and was written by an amazing and famous italian writer Alessandro Baricco.
> 
> I have always loved this book, and since the first time I have read it, this part has been my favourite. It gives me so many feels!


	10. 10.

He missed Alba, but he missed Hermione as well. The first hadn’t been online for ages and, where he first had been irritated by her behaviour, now he was worried. Besides YChat, he had no other way of contacting her and he was going mad. He needed to talk to her, to better understand his and her feelings and to ask her to finally meet. This last thing scared the hell out of him as he had never been to a blind date before, nor a normal one for that matter. He didn’t know what to expect, how Alba could react to seeing him for the first time. She was young, way younger than him, and beautiful while he had always been on the ugly side compared to most wizards. Also, his temper and often rude manners didn’t have much appeal. However, he had to know the truth. He needed to give a face to the girl who had tormented him for weeks and see if there could be something more between them.

Severus needed that because he really liked her, but he also liked Hermione, and could no longer walk both sides of the street. If he wanted to get a new life he had to start somewhere. His relationship with Hermione had developed so suddenly he often found himself wondering how it had even been possible for someone as reserved as himself to let a slip of a girl, one he had never particularly cared for, get under his skin so quickly. He had nearly kissed her in her room at San Mungo’s and the memory of that moment still made his heart clench.

She was still hospitalised, even if in a couple of days she would be free, and no exceptions had been made for him of course. His request of being given one more day in order to visit her had been refused, so nearly one week had passed since the last time he had seen her. However, he had wanted to stay beside her, so he had bought two mobile phones and one he had sent to her via owl, his phone number recorded in the address book. That way he had been able to keep in contact with her and be updated about her health. She had been very pleased with his gift and had immediately sent him a text message saying: _‘You’re my fav person in the world.’_

When he had heard the tune of his mobile, he had picked it up with nearly trembled hands, unwilling to believe she had really texted him. They would spend hours talking on the phone or just exchanging quick texts, and he had also read to her when she had been in deep pain. She always told him that his voice soothed her and helped dull the ache.

Each night, he would send her the Good Night and she always reciprocated by adding to her messages that he was her favourite person in the world. He didn’t know what to make of that, but he engraved it in his heart like everything else under the label ‘Hermione Granger’. He couldn’t wait to see her.

Before her release, he got one more time to see her, and he was thankful when he found she was indeed feeling much better. She would need to keep an eye on herself, but the problem seemed to have been contained.

On Friday, Severus received a call from her where she explained that she was finally free, but she had to stay at home for a couple of days more in order to monitor her health. He thought he could not have been happier, but he found himself nearly shouting from joy when the green dot of the online status on YChat appeared beside Alba’s nickname. He had sent her so many messages in those weeks, without receiving one answer, that he had feared she had gone forever, leaving him just like that.

_-My dear bastard, I know you will have probably thought I had abandoned you and I’m sorry for that. However, I haven’t. I still wish to learn the depth of your eyes and the intensity of your mouth. I still want to lose myself in you, my deepest desire._

_I have missed you and thought of you a lot these last two weeks. Please, don’t ask me why I have been away. I can’t tell you, just know that I’ve not been feeling very well and had to leave my town in order to find a solution to one of my many problems._

_Please, forgive me. Am I still your cheeky little thing?_

Severus was shaking with emotions, so happy to finally receive one of her messages. Yet, so many things weren’t right and the fact that she didn’t want him to ask questions confused him. _But you are here now, my cheeky little thing._

_‘You are.’_ He typed, _‘And I have missed you, too. I won’t be asking questions, for now.’_

_-Thank you. Have you really missed me?_

_‘Yes. How are you now?’_

_-Better, now that I know you are not mad at me.,_ she said, and he smiled softly. _-I have never been more confused than I am now, and this is also your fault you know._

_‘How is it my fault?’_ he answered smirking. _‘I haven’t done anything.’_

_-You have become so much for me in such a short time, and yet I don’t know what to do._

Severus read her text again and again, wondering at the sudden emotional turmoil he could definitely feel inside himself. No one had ever told him something like that, and he knew it was something he had dreamt of hearing so many times. He had lived nearly all his life alone, in the silence of his rooms and the turmoil of his heart. Solitude was his only friend and he had never thought he could live to experience a different life, one where he could be himself without a mask clouding his very self.

_‘I don’t know what to do myself.’,_ he replied inhaling deeply and hoping she would be able to help him understand his situation better. He had never found himself in such a mess, never.

_-I want to be truthful with you, because I care for you and you deserve it, and I hope you won’t think less of me now for telling you this.,_ came her answer, and his heart clenched at the implications of what she had just said.

He had known deep down that someday this thing she had with her would have ended, but it didn’t hurt less. The truth was that no matter how hard he tried to be a good person, sooner or later everyone abandoned him. He was destined to a lonely life, one of sufferings and pain. Well, he was so used to it… it didn’t really change anything. However, the prospect of a life like that wasn’t appealing in the least.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a videocall and, when he opened the connection, he saw her. Her wavy hair was down, hiding her shoulders and chest, and she was chewing on her lower lips, exactly like Hermione did so often when she wasn’t able to keep her emotions in check.

_-I have thought a lot these days and it's difficult... I like you, I like you a lot.,_ she typed with unsteady hands. _-But I can't keep this up forever. I need to righten my life. I have been spending a lot of my time with a person, someone who has helped me greatly and whom I have never thought I could like... But here I am. I don't want to hurt you, nor to lose you, but he is real and you... I don't know what to do._

_‘I understand.’_ He only said, and he realised that he was shaking. She didn’t want to hurt him, but that’s exactly what she was doing. His life was worth nothing. He always wondered why he had survived if he had to live like that. Why couldn’t his life change? Why? Yes, he had Hermione… but even she wasn’t his. He had never been and would never be anyone’s. _Alone, all my life alone. That’s what I deserve._

Glancing at the screen, trying to impress in his mind the memory of her, he saw that Alba was crying. Thick tears trailed down her slightly rosy cheeks, like translucent pearls on her immaculate skin. _She is beautiful_ , he thought inhaling deeply. He wasn’t sure about it, but he wanted to believe that she was crying because she didn’t want to hurt him and to leave him like that. He wanted to believe that she did really care for him, that everything that had happened between them had been true. That feeling of wholeness he had experienced was true and had enveloped him and made him so warm his heart had been content. Now, he had nothing. _I am alone._

_-I'm sorry, Leo. What I have with you is astounding and every time I think about it, I lose my breath. It overwhelms me at the deepest level, but at the same time it scares me. You are an amazing man, but I can't keep lying to the both of you. I can't keep embracing him in the afternoon and then make virtual love to you at night. It's not right. Not to him, not to you. Not to myself._

Severus didn’t know what to think, really. It was a pattern in his life that every single woman he came to care for in the end left him for someone else. Someone who was a better person than him. He was trying to be better himself, but it was never enough. He was never enough. However, thinking about what she had told him, something occurred to him and somewhat the pain lessened, if not by much. _She has my same problem.,_ he thought bitterly, running a hand through his hair. She had been divided between two men, like himself had been between her and Hermione. Life could be such a bitch sometimes, an ironic bitch to be precise, but he knew that all too well. What could he tell her? He didn’t even know his own heart. He looked one more time at her, before lowering his head and typing his reply. She didn’t deserve the pain, he understood her too well, and decided to tell her the truth.

_-There is a woman who had been by my side for the last couple of weeks.,_ he started, pausing one moment in thought. _‘I didn’t think I could ever feel anything for her, but the problem is that I do. I care for her but at the same time I care for you. You are precious to me, Alba.’_

_-You as well are seeing someone?,_ she asked, relieved she had not been the only one walking both sides of the street. _-We are a total mess.,_ she replied, and he laughed, glad she didn’t sound angry at him for keeping it from her. _-Real life has decided to blend too much with this one, and now we are stuck._

_‘What do you propose we do?’_

_-I don’t want to leave you, I really don’t want to.,_ she confessed, and he smiled fondly looking at the screen. _-But I think it would be better if we concentrated on real life and see if we can make something good come out from what we have created with these two people we so dearly love._

_‘It will be hard.’_

_-I know. I know it will be._

_‘What if I understand that I want you, only you?’_ he asked her, knowing that it could be a possibility. He seldom attached himself to others, but when he did it usually was for ever. Lily was just an example…

_-Then, we will talk about it and find a solution._

_‘Why can’t we meet and see what happens?’_

_-What do you think it’s going to happen, Leo? I would kiss you senseless and then make love to you and you to me, and then everything would be lost because we would feel so guilty about our actions. We would ruin everything._

He had never made love, had always been privy of that aspect of life. He had an idea of the feelings but he knew it could be nothing like he had in mind. When he had been young, he had desperately looked for that kind of intimacy but very quickly understood no one was interested in him in that way. Then, life had become so bloody complicated he hadn’t had time for something more than a quick and heartless shag. However, he knew he needed that in his life now. He didn’t want to die alone, without love. He deserved it. But he knew she was right; they would make things worse if they were to meet.

_‘You really are more mature than your age.’_

_-Thank you.,_ she answered, and he saw her dry her tear-stained cheeks and gift him with a small smile. _-You know, I’m quite jealous of this woman who has won your heart. She is so lucky to have you for herself, but I’m happy if you are able to find some happiness with her._

_‘I’m going to miss you.’_

It was the truth. She had meant a lot to him in these past weeks. Hell, she had meant everything to him before Hermione had entered his life again. He was going to miss her and their special connection, something he had never shared with everyone.

_-And I, you. But it’s not a goodbye, it’s only a see you later. Because, even if I know it’s not right to ask you to stay friends, I would like that... We have shared too much…_

_‘I’d like that. You are a special girl Alba, and I wish you good luck with this guy as well.’_

After that, they wished each other a good night and he went to bed. That night, he didn’t sleep at all. Memories of his life kept assaulting his mind and he tried to find a way to make his life better. He wanted a future, and not a sad one. He had been sad all his life, now he wanted something more. He only hoped that life wasn’t going to be even more of a bitch with him.


	11. 11.

Severus was feeling like an idiot. He had thought that surprising Hermione with a Chinese lunch and all the ingredients for baking his favourite chocolate chip cookies would be an amazing idea. However, now that he was standing in front of her door, he was feeling such a bloody lovesick idiot. _What if she is with her boyfriend? I would be intruding, and I would appear like an idiot… I am already an idiot!_

He hadn’t had such problems since before graduating from Hogwarts and now, at forty-five, he found himself in this situation. _I am such a fool_! However, he wanted to see her, to see for himself that she wasn’t in pain anymore. He wanted to spend some time with her and hold her tightly to him, inhaling her sweet scent and lose himself in it. He stared at the door of her flat with unblinking eyes for what seemed like an eternity, trying to decide what to do. He wanted her, damn if he wanted her. Breathing deeply and praying Merlin that she wasn’t in company, he rapped at the door.

“Coming!” he heard her voice yelling from inside, followed by the sound of quick steps. When the door suddenly opened, he smirked when he saw the look on her face and the way she was dressed. She gasped when she saw him, surprised at seeing him there but at the same time happy, and screamed in ecstasy throwing herself at him and nearly knocking him to the floor. “Severus!”

His arms went immediately around her small body, hugging her to himself. She fitted perfectly against him and he rested his chin on her head, nuzzling her curls and committing the feeling of her to his mind.

“What the heck are you wearing, Hermione?” he asked smirking while looking at her from head to toe. She was wearing a funny pink pyjama covered in small kittens and at her feet she had two big fluffy slippers that matched her clothes. She looked funny but totally huggable.

“I wasn’t expecting guests!” she protested pouting while crossing her arms before her chest. “It’s a gift and besides, I like it!”

“Oh, I like it too!” he replied looking at her with an amused expression. “May I come inside?” She smiled at him and opened the door for him to enter. Thankfully she seemed alone, so perhaps for once in his life he had been lucky. “How are you feeling?” he asked sitting on the couch next to her.

“Better. I’m still a little sore but nothing like before, and the Mediwitch told me that in a few days I’ll be able to stop the therapy. I can’t believe I’ve lived all these years with traces of that damn course inside my body.”

He had seen many times what the effects of Dolohov’s course were, and she had been very lucky that he had been there to help her when she had been hit in her fifth year. She would have been dead now if she had not been treated in time.

“Are you taking any painkiller?”

“Only a mild one.” She said sitting with her legs under her body. “Anyway, thanks for coming. I wasn’t expecting you, really.”

“I have brought Chinese…” he started, unsure of himself. “If you haven’t already eaten, that is.” He was pathetic with his clumsy words, but the realisation that he liked her had brought up all his insecurities.

“I haven’t.” she said smiling and with a wave of her wand food, water and all the necessary to eat came flying to her.

Lunch was a slow business filled with chat and laugher, and he loved the way it all came so easily with her. He felt comfortable around her, as someone would be when they had been friends for many years and not just a couple of weeks. He understood her and, most of the time, he was even able to put aside his snarky self. Clad in his well-tailored black trousers and white shirt he could easily pass for a normal man, and a happy one. Putting down his fork, he glanced at Hermione and found her looking at him.

“Are you tired?” he asked her, noticing dark circles under her eyes and a drowsy look.

“Just a little bit. I’ve not slept much these last weeks, you know.” She admitted, and he nodded. As much as he didn’t want to go away, she needed to rest if he wanted for her to recover fast.

“I’ll be going then.” Severus announced, standing from his place on the couch and pulling out his wand in order to tidy up the mess they had made while eating.

“No!” she exclaimed, her voice a panicked shrill before softening in a whisper. “Please, stay. I don’t want for you to go away… and besides, we still have cookies to bake.”

“Cookies can wait. You need to rest.”

“Please!” she pleaded, putting a hand on his arm to still his movements. “I’ll have a nap here on the couch… but please, stay. Stay with me for a little longer, Severus.”

He looked carefully at her before nodding and taking again his sit next to her on the couch. With her hand, Hermione motioned to the books that were scattered on a side table, inviting him to get comfortable and read while she rested. What he hadn’t expected was for her to use his thigh as a pillow, but he couldn’t complain really. She had her hair spread over his lap, her face carefully facing the other side, away from his groin. He picked up one of her books and with a spell had it floating open in the air. That left his hands free to wander, and in no time he had his fingers buried in her hair, caressing her scalp in a slow massage. He found himself often glancing down at her, noticing how her chest heaved at each breath. She was beautiful and he had to swallow hard when a thought crossed his mind. Hermione trusted him so much to be able to sleep with him so near her, touching her. No one had ever trusted him so much.

When Hermione woke up a little while later, she insisted on baking his favourite cookies. He complained a little, just for the sake of taunting her a bit, but in the end he accepted. He had wanted to bake with her since she had told her of her intention. Baking they did, and that’s how he found himself covered in flour, scrambling in other to catch her and repay her in kind. _How dare she!,_ but deep down, he was amused… and happy.

When Severus caught her, he lifted her up and she screamed laughing cheerfully. Her laugher reached his heart and he smiled, his insides twisting with contentedness, before putting her down and turning her body into his arms. When she realised she was trapped between his firm chest and the countertop, his grip not too tight, her glee dissolved and she was left looking at him with softer but glinting eyes. Her face was stained with flour, and so was his along with his hair and black trousers, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t seem to be able to look away from her eyes, from those pools of liquid caramel. She was so near, and he wished with all his life that he could kiss her right there. _Hermione…_

He dipped his head slowly, giving her the chance to back away from him if she wished to, but she didn’t. Instead, she closed her eyes and when his lips brushed hers, his closed as well. He had never kissed someone so tenderly, nor savoured the moment so intensely. Hermione shivered between his arms and he tightened his hold on her, slipping his tongue between her lips when her mouth opened. Kissing her was like swimming among the clouds, his head so light it was like not having any thought at all. Only the sensations overwhelmed him, and he shuddered when he felt her tiny hands caress his hair and scalp. Their tongues, entwined together, moved along the notes of a slow and deep music, so intense they had to breathe hard when they finally separated. His eyes were still closed, and he could think of nothing but the feeling of her soft lips pressed against his, of her languid tongue moving alongside his own and of her body tightly pressed against his. He had kissed her, he had really kissed her, and now he wanted nothing more than kissing her senseless, her flushed body draped over his own.

He opened his eyes just a fraction before her. She had rosy cheeks, her lips were parted and her eyes… he had never seen irises so bright like hers in that moment.

“I… I was waiting for the right moment to tell you this…” she stammered, looking at him with uncertain eyes. His heart clenched, a sudden fear of rejection overtaking him, but her hands never left his hair, somewhat anchoring him to her. “I broke up with Ron.” She said in a whisper, watching him intently.

“What about the other guy?” he blurted out, without even thinking. His hold on her instinctively tightened and their chests pressed together more firmly. He could feel the heat radiating from her body along with her fast heartbeat.

“Leo…” she said, before continuing with her explanation. However, his mind didn’t register her following words, focusing instead on the name of the guy. “I couldn’t keep seeing him while I knew I wanted you. I liked him a lot, that’s true, and what we shared was special, but…”

“Leo?” Severus asked, his head spinning so fast he feared he would get sick.

“Yes, it’s his name. I know it’s kind of an irony since I’m a Gryffindor…”

_It can’t be true. No, it can’t be. It can’t be… I’m such an idiot! I’m such an idiot!!_

How could he have missed it? How? If he had been paying just a little more attention to everything really, he would have understood it immediately. He looked intently at her mouth, at the way her teeth nibbled at her lower lips, and then at her eyes. Those eyes he had dreamt to meet so many times and now they were looking at him worriedly at his lack of communication. _Perhaps… just perhaps, life is not the bitch I thought it was._

“My cheeky little thing…” he whispered in a voice so soft it surprised even him. His eyes were gentle and full of so much love, reflecting what his own heart was screaming, and he smiled like he had never had in his entire life. A smile that wasn’t a smirk nor a grin, but a gentle and honest smile that reflected his happiness and his love. Because he had realised that his cheeky little thing was none other than his favourite know-it-all, and he couldn’t be happier.

“What?” she gasped at the same time as her eyes widened and her mouth opened in shock. To answer her, he just kissed her connecting their mouths in an intense smash of lips. He couldn’t believe it.

“My cheeky little thing…” he said again in between kisses, and a dreamy look crossed his face. His eyes never left hers and when realisation finally struck her, he devoured her mouth again.

“My bastard…” she murmured, and he saw her eyes filling with tears before she buried her face in his neck, trying to hide her cries. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Severus!” she cried clutching at him with dear life.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Severus assured her, keeping her between his arms and caressing soothingly her back.

He remembered very clearly the way she had cried in front of him when she had decided to leave Leo, to give up on him in order to date another man that in the end was none other than himself, Severus Snape. He knew she had not wanted to do it, but she had done the right thing. And now, now they were together, finally.

“I can’t believe it’s been you this entire time.” She said sobbing on his shirt, but he didn’t mind as long as she stayed with him. When she raised her red rimmed eyes to look at him her gaze was fierce, and he had to swallow at the intensity of it. “I want you, Severus. I want only you.”

Her hot breath enveloped him and he lost himself in her, in her soft lips and tiny caressing fingers. He was happy because he had finally found what he had desired all his life. Love.


	12. 12.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the Epilogue left!

To have Hermione in his house had been very strange at first. He had never had many visitors and, since the beginning of his house arrest only Aurors and Ministry officials had vacated his door. Spinner’s End wasn’t a nice place and his house had always been old and creepy, but since her arrival everything had changed. She was his personal ray of sunshine, every day brighter than before.

The first time she had come to his house, it had been for a light lunch before going to work. Her eyes had shined while looking at his floor to ceiling bookshelves, and her tiny fingers had traced each and every spine with such a reverence he had found himself smiling fondly at her. That afternoon, when she had kissed him goodbye, he had wished so much that she could stay with him some more.

They usually went out on Thursdays, but Hermione found herself spending more and more time with him at his house. One night, when she had fallen asleep with her curls on his shoulder, he had picked her up and laid her gently on his bed. One thing was to hug and kiss and another to sleep together in the same bed, so he had not stayed with her, deciding instead to curl on his couch. Half an hour later, a kiss on his lips and a gentle hand on his cheek had woken him up and he had found Hermione kneeling next to him. She had asked him to lay beside her and, after placing his hand in hers, he had followed her into his bedroom. He couldn’t remember a sensation more beautiful than that. Her hair tickled his nose and chin and her hot breath ghosted over his chest, but he had been happy to lay there with her. That night nightmares had stayed away from him, perhaps for the first time in years.

The next time she had stayed late after dinner, he had very awkwardly invited her to stay the night, and the bright smile that she had gifted him with had warmed his insides making him smile as well. In bed, she had snuggled up against him with her arm flung protectively on his abdomen and her head on his chest. She had kissed him so fiercely that night that he had feared he would lose himself in her. However, they hadn’t yet been intimate, and it was surprising since they had passed so much of their time giving the other pleasure through a screen.

Two weeks later, like nearly every night, they had gone to bed together. Peace had settled in his limbs and mind like it happened every time she was with him and he was happy. His life had finally taken a turn for the better, after forty-five years. _Well, better than never._ , he thought to himself trailing his fingers along her arm. He looked at her when he felt her shiver against him and clutch at the fabric of his T-shirt. He dipped his head to brush her mouth with his and he moaned when her teeth gently nibbled at his lower lip. Severus felt her tiny fingers slip under his undershirt, caressing his scarred flesh and making him shudder at the contact of her cool hands on his hot body. He wanted her, to feel her body tightly joined with hers, and yet he was scared, like a young boy at the first experience. And perhaps, it really was. This was something new, something he had longed for all his life and never had, and it scared him. The first time he had woken up in the morning with her draped across his body, he had stayed for so long motionless looking at her… at themselves together. If he still had had the ability to do it, he would have cried at the sheer beauty of what he had before his eyes.

“Are you afraid, Severus?” she asked in a whispered, her mouth brushing his while talking.

“Of what?” he replied sounding defensive but, as usual, she had understood him perfectly. He always wondered how it was possible that Hermione knew him so well and grasped his needs before himself.

“I don't know...” she mumbled, looking at him with troubled eyes. “Of me, of showing yourself to me... I... What I feel for you is nothing I have ever experienced. Why can't you trust me?”

“I have never trusted anyone but myself, Hermione.”

All his life, he had been alone. The only exception had been when he had been friends with Lily, but it had lasted very briefly. Even then however, he had never been able to fully express himself. He had cared for her deeply, even loved her when he was a teenager, but had always tried to be different, to be better. Not for him, but for her. And yet, he hadn’t been able to keep her with him. The rest of his life had been a total lie. He had worn his mask for so long that it had become part of himself so much that at some point he had forgotten who he really was. The human part of him had been buried so deep that bringing it back had been hard. However, he trusted Hermione. He just didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of her. He was a man, quite older than her, and he had already showed so much weakness to her while she… she was a lioness.

“I know, but I'm not going to hurt you.” She assured him, her voice pleading. Hermione put a gentle hand on his cheeks and traced the outline of his lips, before fastening her eyes to his. “Why should I? I... I love you, you know.”

 _I love you, you know. I love you, you know. I love you, you know.,_ his head kept saying and he had to swallow down the lump in his throat. She had said she loved him, her hand still caressing his flesh which had become even hotter, and he was speechless. How could she love him? He was a Death Eater, a murderer, a monster. She still loved him.

“You... You...”

“I love you.” She repeated and her soft gaze never left his eyes.

“Are you sure?” he breathed, incredulous. _How could she love me? She could have everyone, anyone more worthy then myself, but she has chosen me._ Hermione loved him. And it was stupid to feel so astonished in the face of her emotions and feelings because the truth was that she had showed her feelings to him so many times those weeks.

“I am, and I want to be with you.”

“Hermione...”

“I have imperfections as well... Scars and burns, and I'm not exactly beautiful. You can trust me to appreciate you, cherish you and love you... All of you.”

This was the time to be truthful with her, to tell her of his fears, to trust her. He knew he could do it, but still it was somewhat embarrassing to reveal certain things.

“I know I can trust you, Hermione but... I haven't been intimate with a woman in many years. I don't know what's going to happen if...”

“Do you think I would care if you were to come quickly?” she interrupted him and kissed his mouth. “I wouldn't. I would kiss you all the same and love you all the same. I would wait for you and then make love to you again at our own pace.”

“I have never made love...” he confessed in a whisper; his eyes downcast. “To shag someone is one thing, to make love... I have no clue on how you make love.”

“I'll show it to you if you want.”

Their lips connected in a first slow, then more heated kiss. Tongues caressed gently, hot breaths mingling together and hands wandering freely. She exposed his torso, running her fingers gently on his pale flesh and outlining every scar he possessed with her fingertips before slowly kissing them. Severus was trembling under her ministrations and fighting the urge to close his eyes. He didn’t want to, he wished to see her and the heated gaze that possessed her eyes. Her touch on his body was like a feather kissing his flesh and he longed to see her naked again, only for him.

Hermione trailed kisses over his chest before going back to his mouth. He clutched at her, enveloping her in his arms and kissing her breath away. His hands hooked under her nightshirt and he removed it in a swift motion, leaving her bare to his hungry stare. _I have never seen someone more beautiful.,_ he thought, and it was true. He had already seen her naked, in all her glory, but having her there so near to him was totally different.

“You are beautiful…” he murmured, gently caressing her breasts and teasing her nipples. Her small breasts fit perfectly in his palms and when his lips closed around one of her nipples, she shivered and moaned at the sensation. He kept sucking on them and kneading her flesh in a continuous massage.

“Are you going to let me melt into your arms?” she breathed, her voice shaky with need.

He laughed at that and kissed her again in the mouth, still touching her bare flesh and making their chests adhere to each other. The sensation of their nipples connecting was breath-taking and he hold her even closer to himself. She returned his hug and then looked at him with a wicked smile before putting her hands on his shoulders and pushing him down. She straddled his lap and crushed her lips to his moving her tongue alongside his in a heated kiss. Wet kisses were trailed along his torso until she reached the waistband of his pyjama trousers where she stopped. Their eyes locked and he looked intently at her face; his breath was ragged, and his heart was beating so fast he wished it could just slow down a little bit. Sexuality had always been a problem to him and finding himself there with Hermione in that moment made him nervous. However, he wanted it very much. He wanted her very much.

“I have wished to do this for so long, my bastard…” she whispered punctuating the name she had chosen for him when they were still Leo and Alba, before lowering his trousers and pants and revealing his erection which sprang free.

He was hard and already leaking pre-cum, waiting for her hands and mouth to relieve him of his needs. He hadn’t been with a woman in a long time, as he had lately even stopped asking for the help of prostitutes, and the mere sight of Hermione naked before his eyes made him twitch. He closed his eyes when her fingers grasped him and gently moved down his shaft, and he shuddered deeply and moaned at the sensations when her wicked tongue caressed his engorged head. He had dreamt of her giving him a blowjob, but nothing had prepared him to this. Her curly head was bobbing up and down, engulfing his member and laving it with her tongue.

Severus then opened his eyes and watched her intently, impressing the memory of her to his mind. He had never liked her, but then something had happened apparently, and he had had to change his mind because she was such a beautiful and amazing creature he had lost himself in her. Meeting her in his favourite library had been his blessing, he was aware of that. Watching her, he inhaled deeply trying, but failing, to control his breath. He felt his blood boil, his head spin, and his orgasm rise.

“Hermione, stop!” he exclaimed suddenly, gripping her arms and trying to yank her from him. He didn’t want to come so soon and not like there, he wanted to be with her and make love to her before emptying himself. “I’m coming! I’m coming, Hermione! Stop!”

His pleas, however, didn’t stop her. She looked at him and immediately resumed her ministrations, doubling her efforts. She never left his face, enjoying the feeling of his twitching cock inside her mouth and the look of pure bliss mixed with sheer horror and peaceful abandon overtake him. Still clutching at her arms, he gave a couple of thrusts in her mouth before coming between her lips, overwhelmed by the sensations. She swallowed his come before cleaning his shaft with long laps of her tongue and kissing her way back to him. His breathing was ragged and everything was blurred but, when she laid upon his body cradling his head and placing small kisses on his flushed cheek, his tired arms encircled her body keeping her tightly pressed against him.

“I love you.” She murmured against his ear, the action sending shivers up his spine, and kissed his cheek again. “And I want you… all of you, Severus.”

He loved her as well, he knew he did, but saying it out loud was too difficult. He had been ridiculed for it the first and only time he had uttered those three words, and the pain of that moment still stung. He looked at her for a long moment, his thoughts swivelling rapidly, before closing his eyes and clearing his thoughts. When he opened them again, he touched her lips and cheek tenderly with his fingertips.

“Look at me, my cheeky little thing.” He told her and, as soon as their eyes locked together, he plunged in her mind. He never trespassed the forefront, not wanting to intrude among her thoughts and memories but only wishing to whisper something inside her consciousness. “I love you too, Hermione. And I want you, all of you.” His mind spoke, caressing her thoughts in a feather-light touch.

A while later, when he slowly sunk into her femininity for the first time, he nearly cried in pleasure and pain. And love. What she had given him was nothing he had ever experienced. Only the thought of the happiness he was experiencing, and of all the suffering he had had to endure to arrive to her, made him want to cry.

He was loved, and he was happy – oh so happy. All thanks to her, his cheeky little thing.


	13. 13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

Severus couldn’t believe that fifteen months had passed since the day he had spotted his former student Hermione Granger inside his favourite library, clutching to herself a book on erotic poetry. That day is life had changed, for the better. He had never really believed in second chances, but that’s what Hermione had gifted him with. A new life, by her side.

More than one year had passed since that faithful day, and she was still there. She put up with his shortcomings, with his awkward shows of affection, his small gestures and words, while he accepted everything she wanted to give him without any complaint. All his life he had had nothing but now… now he had her, the most precious thing he could have been given. They often bickered, sometimes had also yelled at each other, because he was still a stubborn prick but she was more stubborn than he and such a fierce lioness that in the end, she usually won the argument. But he didn’t really care, he was happy – oh so happy.

Hermione was able to pull out everything good he had bottled up for so long and, even if it was still somewhat difficult to open up and show his true emotions, he felt way better. With her, everything felt better. She still had her small flat in London, but she spent so much time with him in Spinner’s End that it had eventually become their home. That alone meant a lot to Severus. It was difficult at first, to accept that she really loved him and would stay with him, but after a while it became obvious even to himself that she wasn’t thinking of going away. He finally had someone who really wished to stay at his side, no matter the difficulties of life.

She loved him, and he loved her. When she had confessed her feelings, he had not been able to speak out loud those three words, choosing instead to let his mind tell what he had been feeling. It had been the easiest thing to do but one afternoon, some weeks later, those words had fallen from his lips without him even noticing immediately. They had been laying on the couch in his living room with their bodies entwined when, stroking lazily her bushy hair, he had asked her what had happened to her parents. At hearing his question, Hermione had tensed so much he had thought he had asked the wrong thing at the worst of moments. She had looked at him with sad eyes before beginning her report on what had happened. Tears had started flowing freely down her cheeks after only a couple of words, and he had hold her so fiercely in that moment that the pain she had been feeling had become his own.

“I didn’t know what else to do, Severus!” she had said between sobs, clutching at him with dear life. “I had to go with Harry, to help him, and I knew they would have found them and killed them!”

“I know, I know.” He had whispered in her hear while caressing her back, trying to be reassuring. “You did the right thing.” He had told her, and he believed it. She had cancelled all the memories of her from her parents’ mind and sent them to Australia, an act of extreme bravery. It had costed her a lot because, when she had gone back to retrieve them, she had not been able to bring their memories back. And she had been all alone since she hadn’t said anything to Potter or Weasley. “You did the right thing.”

“I miss them terribly.” She had said trying to dry her eyes with the back of her hands, but her tears kept flowing freely. In that moment, looking at her heartbroken face, he had vowed to find a way to help her reunite with her parents.

“Starting tomorrow, we will begin studying their case.” He had announced placing a gentle kiss on her lips which were salty from the tears. “I’m sure that between the two of us we will be able to bring their memories back.”

At hearing those words, Hermione had sniffled nosily before throwing her arms around his neck with a small, elated cry which had warmed his heart. He wanted to see her happy and, if her happiness meant spending days on end bent over books, he would do it.

“I love you, Severus.” She had murmured between kisses, her eyes bright and hopeful. He had looked at her then, drinking in the sight of her beauty, and gifted her with one of his rare smiles.

“I love you, too.” He had said in a small voice and, only when her eyes had become big and her breath had stopped, he had realised what he had said. They had stayed in silence for several seconds before he had kissed her again and repeated those words with renewed confidence.

They had made love in that couch and it had been amazing. Their lovemaking nothing like it had been before, as if that declaration had shifted some inside their hearts and minds. He had poured in that single moment everything he had in her and she in him and, at every single touch, he had felt a new man. Before Hermione he had never been able to shed his multiple masks, but with her it was different. He could be himself, the true Severus Snape, without any fear. Hermione knew him and accepted his fragilities and his flaws. With her, he became a better man every day.

Just a little over a year, but he couldn’t envision his life without her anymore. And now that he was finally a free man, no more under house arrest, the only thing he wished was to live her every single day. Walking down the corridors that brought them outside the building that housed the Ministry of Magic, his mind was kilometres away from there, wondering at the absurdity of his life. Only a gentle hand on his wrist brought him back, and when he turned his head on his left, Hermione was watching him curiously with a bright smile on her lips.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked, hooking her hand in the crook of his arm and moving closer to him. She didn’t care about the people who looked strangely at them while whispering among themselves, she only cared about him and their love.

“Nothing really…” he muttered under his breath. He wanted to tell her, but he wasn’t sure it was the right moment. They had been together for only a year.

“Are you going to finally tell me what you want to do now that you are a free man, Severus?”

She had asked him that question many times in those last months and the answer, the one he had always hidden under his _“I don’t know, yet_.”, hadn’t changed. He loved her deeply.

“Not really.” He only said, picking up the pace and quickly exiting the Ministry.

“It’s not possible, Severus!” she complained stopping their movement. “There has to be something you wish to do! You have waited for this moment for so long.”

“There is, indeed.” He replied truthfully, looking intently at her.

“Then, what is it?”

“Spending the rest of my life with you, Hermione.” He whispered lightly trailing down the side of her face with his fingertips, from her brow to her chin. “I wish to wake up in the morning with you by my side, your impossible hair tickling my nose and your small hand caressing my bruised chest. I wish to spend my days with you and then go to bed knowing that you will still be there, ready to help me fight my nightmares.”

“Severus…” she gasped, and her hand went to cover her open mouth. Her eyes were shining, and he knew that his lioness was fighting back tears.

“I love you Hermione, and I would be the luckiest of men if you accepted to become my wife.”

And just like that, in a little over a year, he got a new friend, a lover and a lifetime companion. A happy life, one he still wasn’t sure he deserved but nonetheless one he had dreamt of having since he was only a child.

_Finite. ∞_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovely readers!
> 
> This story has reached its end and I want to thank all of you for your support. I started it because I felt the need to write something different, and to take a break from my main longstory (Enveloped Souls. I will soon start publishing it in English, but for now it's only in Italian.), but I could never have imagined that so many people would like it.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
> Disincanto294

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> This is a short story I decided to write because I had this bunny often popping around my head and didn't want to go away. I know many of you have read the amazing "Talk Dirty To Me" by Onecelestialbeing, which I totally love, and will probably found some similarities. I'm sure there are, but this story is nothing like that and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I am while writing it  
> Furthermore, THIS STORY IS NOT A PWP. 
> 
> Once more, English is not my native language so you're bound to find some mistake even though I hope not too many.
> 
> Let me know what you think about it, my lovely readers!


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